Thursday, March 19, 2009

I think I found the kitchen sink....

Thirteen things I have NOT found (yet) while cleaning out my car:

1. Kangaroo liver
2. Socks worn by someone from the Reagan administration
3. Poison Oak
4. Antique butter-churners (I did, however, find some antique packets of taco sauce)
5. Bubble wrap
6. Parsley
7. My dignity
8. DNA evidence that proves I ran over Peter Cottontail's nephew
9. Dirty underwear Oh, wait, there it... Don't ask.
10. Diamonds
11. Picture of three prominent politicians fighting over a goat
12. A new species somewhere under the back seat
13. Inner peace

I really, really hate cleaning out my car.
But, this time I kinda have to, since there's a possibility I may be getting a new one soon.

New as in "different", not new as in "brand new with an attractive new car smell that is bursting with carcinogens." I've never had one of those.

Technically, it's new as in "My parents are buying themselves a new car and are giving me their old one."

So I need to get out there with the flamethrower and the steam shovel, and try to actually clean this one out before I tell it goodbye.
It'll remember me more fondly that way.

Well... that is, if it's possible to fondly remember someone who farted on you about ten times every day for the past few years.


Janna said...

Fuuny! Congrats on the "new" car.

And woo-hoo for finding another Janna! There's not many of us out there...

Gwenhwyfar said...

First, Janna, seriously you need to stop talking to yourself. It's creeping everyone out.
Second, have you found the receipt for my jeans, the remote for my DVD player, my dignity and self-respect, that $5 I was sure was in my coat, that half a sandwich I lost or that book I had out from the library? They aren't anywhere else so I figure it can't hurt to check. Right?

Janna said...

Janna: Wow! Cool! Another Janna!

Gwen: Let's see...
....receipt: nope, didn't see it.
....DVD remote: I've been pointing it at annoying strangers on the street, pushing the "mute" button. I think it needs new batteries or something.
....dignity: I sold it for a chicken sandwich.
....self-respect: and fries.
....$5.00: Guess how much Subway footlongs cost!
....half-sandwich: so that's why my car smelled like peanut butter and pickles.
....library book: You mean the Canadian Kama Sutra Pop-Up Book?

Da Old Man said...

You could always buy a can of new car smell at the auto parts store, and squirt away.

Marilyn said...

Hey! I found my camera today. It wasn't in your car after all.

Janna said...

DaOldMan: If the can has been sitting around the store for three years, does it still qualify as "new car smell"?

Marilyn: Yay! :)

Gwenhwyfar said...

1. Damn
2. They were getting old. Sorry about that.
3. Wow, you really ripped someone off.
4. Who was this sucker, anyway? I have some other crap I could sell them.
5. I should have known.
6. So... could I get that back?
7. You found it! Thank god!

Janna said...

Gwen: Surprisingly, the sandwich works well as an auto-theft deterrent. I've hung it from the rear-view mirror, and now no one wants to be anywhere near my car. I hope this doesn't hurt the resale value.

whall said...

When I joined Young Conservatives against the Cold War, they actually sent me a pair of Edwin Meese's socks, worn in a real Cabinet session. Problem was, Dr Koop had tried to smoke them so they were pretty badly singed.

Janna said...

Whall: Well, heck, if there's no consumers' warning printed on the side of the socks, (alerting people to the dangers of trying to smoke them), how was Dr Koop supposed to know?