Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Next year I might even breathe twice

I'm usually not interested in making New Years' Resolutions. I understand why some people do, and I understand the psychological importance of why it feels right to begin on January 1st, but it just doesn't grab me.

Should this year be any different?
Should I, for example, explore any of the following avenues of self-betterment?

1) Resolving to be more helpful the next time my imaginary friend needs to be bailed out of jail.

2) Stop referring to Brussels Sprouts as "Those Freaky Cabbage Testicles".

3) Start recycling expired milk by pouring it into the cars of people who took the parking spot I wanted. (Note to self: If caught, tell police it was the imaginary friend's idea again)

4) Get more oxygen by breathing one extra time per day.

5) Develop new breakfast cereal called "Compost Flakes". Target market: masochistic gardeners with no taste buds. (In case they were the ones who stole my parking spot, they can also use my expired milk for their cereal).
.

Or, I can always just continue the usual protocol of being friends with myself the way I already am, (lumps and bumps and all), still pausing for the occasional angsty moment of self-doubt.
I dunno, though.
That extra breath of oxygen might come in handy.
.

12 comments:

ettarose said...

I'd say the extra oxygen is easy because who the hell wants to do anything like break a resolution and then have to look like an ass because then everyone would know you follow through on nothing.

Lynda said...

I'm have been planning to have my birthday suit altered. It's gotten a little large, and I think it needs to be brought in a bit so it fits better.

But no way in hell am I starting it on January 1st. That day just represents failure to me. This is the day where I say I am going to do something so I can go and not do it two days later! Yeah, right.

You just keep not resoluting! Stick it to the man!!!!!

Lynda said...

Sorry, I got a little passionate about my non-resolution stanze.

Giggle Pixie said...

I'm not into the whole "resolution" thing either. I mean, if it was something I thought was important enough to change, shouldn't I have done it already?

Or something like that. My brain's a bit fried right now from all the holiday hoopla. (And bah humbug, again, I might add). :-)

dana wyzard said...

I've never made a resolution in my life, New Year's type or any other. If I say I'm going to do something, I'm just setting myself up. As for the milk in the gas tank. . . recycle your old bacon grease!

Morgiana Le Fey said...

freaky cabbage testicles...brilliant. love it (.= i also hate them with a passion!

Marilyn said...

I resolve to let Janna park wherever the heck she wants to.

The Self-Deprechaun said...

mmm...Freaky Cabbage Testicles...

Janna said...

Ettarose: I also like the extra oxygen thing, because I can do it while blogging at the same time. Multitasking!

Lynda: Really? I always though Jan 1st made it a little easier, what with the "clean slate" aspect and all...

GigglePixie: Yay for hoopla!

DanaWyzard: Bacon grease is also good for frying potatoes... they're yummy but the make your arteries slam shut just by thinking about it... mmmmmm....

Morgian: They might work as "organic golf balls"... but after the testicle comparison, no guy would want to hit them.

Marilyn: Excellent! Let's see if you can keep that one... :)

The Self-Deprechaun: I love your name! What a cool name!

Da Old Man said...

Have a Happy, Healthy, Safe, Prosperous, and Resolution Free New Year

crazy working mom said...

Happy New Year, you silly girl.

Janna said...

DaOldMan: Awww! You too!

CrazyWorkingMom: Hee! Some days, being silly is all I have. :)