Tuesday, November 18, 2008

When I was your age....

I look forward to the day when I can annoy young people by telling them how easy they have it these days. I've heard all the old stereotypes of grandparents who had to walk ten miles to school, in four feet of snow, uphill (both ways), wearing nothing but a burlap sack.
This inspired me to create some sayings of my own.
So now I'm all ready for the day when I am a bitter old woman surrounded by ungrateful little rugrats.
(So far I'm doing pretty well on the "bitter" part. Hooray for goals!)
Anyway, here are some of the things I plan to say:


When I was your age, we didn't have the comedy channel. We just stood around in the freezing cold and told each other jokes. And if it wasn't funny enough, we would get shot. And we were grateful.


When I was your age, we didn't have designer clothes. We had to make our own underwear by gluing expired coupons together. And sometimes, when we ran out of glue, we had to use staples instead.


When I was your age, pumpernickel was only called pumperpenny. By the time you're my age, it'll be pumperdollar.


When I was your age, we didn't have I-Pods. We had to stop random people on the street and ask them to sing our favorite songs for us. And sometimes they would kick us if we didn't give them a tip afterward.


When I was your age, we didn't have blogs. We kept journals and diaries, and we were mortified if anyone else read them and commented on them. At one point, half the guys in prison were there because they'd killed someone who read their diary.



Chica said...

I lol'd on the last one.. hehe :)

Gwenhwyfar said...

When I was your age all our video games were 8-bit. The controllers had two buttons and a d-pad. You never really "won" the game and your character actually died when you fucked up. And you know what? We had more fun with those games then you'll ever have with yours.

Da Old Man said...

You will be such a perfect bitter old woman. The last one was the best, BTW.

Bear said...

When you were my age I'll be dead of old age.

Thanks, Janna, for bringing that into sharp focus for me.

Janna said...

Chica: Glad you got at least one LOL from it. :)

Gwen: And we had to play in eight feet of snow, which sometimes melted and got in the power cord and electrocuted us. Times were tough back then.

DaOldMan: I'm practicing by being a bitter middle-aged woman right now. It's surprisingly easy...

Bear: Any time! Glad to help!

Meloncutter said...


Later Y'all.

xup said...

Don't you kids have anything better to do than waste your time writing nonsense on the interweb thingy? Go get a job. That'll take the piss and vinegar outta you

Marilyn said...

When I was your age we didn't have computers, we watched TV, and there were only ten channels and that was with cable and MTV played music videos because the M stood for Music and not Multiple annoying people living in the same house and getting to be on TV for it.

Gwenhwyfar said...

When I was your age there was no such thing as "the internet" and when we got it, it was dial-up! There was no "e-mail", just regular old mail that some dude delivered to your house and it took weeks! Or you had to send a fax and the fax machines were the size of a smart car!

Janna said...

Meloncutter: Thank you for your honesty. :)

Xup: I don't need anything else to knock the piss out of me. It already happens when I sneeze.

Marilyn: Ah, yes! I vaguely remember the days when MTV actually played music videos. These days it's just a bunch of junk. Sad.

Gwen: Ah, I must still be young, then; I still have dial-up. And although that logic makes no sense, I'm going to run with it anyway. Thank you for helping to contribute to my delusion of perpetual youth.

ReformingGeek said...

"When I was your age, churches were buildings with steeples and had stained glass windows."

Not that it matters. It's just kind of funny that I see so many churches in strip shopping centers. And no, I don't think there is any actual stripping going on in there. I've already been asked. ;-)

Janna said...

ReformingGeek: No stripping? Wow. That explains why that guy gave me such a weird look when I stuffed that dollar bill down his pants.