Monday, January 21, 2008

Manic Monday: Date

In my previous post, I mentioned "Evil Alternate Universe Janna".
The idea intrigues me.
Here are some things I would love to do if I could spend a day with my evil alter-ego:
(Or, my GOOD alter-ego, if it does indeed turn out that I am the evil one)

1. Kidnap all the people who have left political campaigning messages on my answering machine and play a combination of opera and rap music (at the same time) until they agree to pay me $10,000 for each message left. (The price goes up $2,500.00 each day between now and the election).

2. Blackmail the CEO of Kellogg's into making "All-Bran" entirely out of chocolate. It would still have to be called "All-Bran" though, because... well, just because.

3. Double-date with Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom. (Can you say "foursome?")

4. Co-author a "page-a-day" calendar called "365 Fun Things To Do With Your Evil Alternate Reality Self". Deluxe version includes pictures of foursome from the aforementioned double-date.

5. Gather all the tofu on the entire planet and get rid of it by feeding it to all the pigs on the planet, then eat a LOT of ham and bacon and BBQ ribs.

6. Make chocolate-Prozac-chip cookies and send them to all my depressed friends, along with a coupon for the new improved version of "All-Bran" which will be coming out soon.
.
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Manic Monday on my other blogs:
Jantics: Dried, shriveled-up things that do NOT go into my mouth
Jantrails: Why datebooks are a waste of time for someone with no social life
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30 comments:

the teach said...

Janna, if one or the other of you can't go on that double date I'll go...but I want Johnny Depp. :)

the108 said...

I'm intrigued by the pill laced cookies, the chocolate laced All Bran and def the Johnny Depp foursome. I'll take one of each, please.

Janna said...

Teach: Oooh, so sad to tell you this, but you'll have to pry Johnny Depp out of my cold dead hands first.

The108: I'll send you a dozen cookies as soon as I remember where I hid the Prozac....

J Morgetron said...

Johnnnnnnyyyyy!

BaaaaaccccooonnnN!

I'm gonna hang out with your evil alternate self.

She sounds totally rad.

onionboy said...

i'm not buying that fox-newsworthy crap about time differences. your clock is an hour off ... next you'll be claiming the earth isn't flat.

Janna said...

Morgetron: I bet she gets laid a lot more than I do, too!

Onionboy: The earth is spherical, Nebraska IS an hour behind Michigan, and Taco Bell has brought back the Cheesy Gordita Crunch for a limited time only! Pass it on.

Meloncutter said...

Tofu is SOY!!! YES, YES, DESTROY IT. Use the tantalus device to buzz it to oblivion.

I am so proud that you have an evil alternate self from a parallel universe that has a tantalus device to rid the earth of soy.

I wonder if soy in the EAU is the opposite of soy here and will enlarge the genitals.

DANG. I might have to take a trip.

Later Y'all.

Janna said...

Meloncutter: Just think of what YOUR alternate universe self would be like!!!

Gattina said...

I am generous, you can take ol'Depp ! and I like your n°6 ! that's an excellent idea !

Wayne said...

I'm so with you on #5!
EAT MEAT!

Mr. Fabulous said...

Nothing about cheese? You know how I love cheese.

Villager said...

Happy MLK Day! Great MM post. Did Oliver Bloom star in Troy? I enjoyed that movie ... not enough to double date with him (smile)...

My MM post today focuses on Martin Luther King Day.

peace, Villager

Cheerio said...

Those are very noble deeds you just wished to do.

Jamie said...

Saw your Depp and Bloom Daydream and could think of only one comment:

Now eleven million later, I was sitting at the bar
I'd bought the house a double, and the waitress a new car
Dwight Yoakam's in the corner, trying to catch my eye
Lyle Lovett's right beside me with his hand upon my thigh


I Feel Lucky

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

First, foursome. Love the tofu idea and the All-Bran. Bring on the cookies too! You rock. Have a great MM. :)

Shelia said...

That would be a damn good list of accomplishments! If I ever run upon a worm/black hole that leads to the alternate universe I'll give you a holler. :D

Happy MM!

Janna said...

Gattina: "Ol' Depp??" Wow...

Wayne: Yaaay! Carnivore pride!!

Mr. Fab: I love cheese too. In fact, I love it so much that my alternate reality self might be lactose-intolerant.

Villager: Oliver? You mean Orlando? I don't know if he was in Troy... I've only seen him in the Lord Of The Rings trilogy, and the Pirates of The Caribbean movies, but that was enough to earn him double-date status. :)

Cheerio: Thank you! Hopefully the government will agree with you, after I get caught for all the blackmailing and kidnapping.

Jamie: You can have Dwight and Lyle; I'll take Johnny and Orlando. :)

Sandee: We can pass Prozac cookies out to your yacht club too!!

Shelia: Thank you! You might want to print this post out, so you can show it to my alternate self...

Mo said...

So, am I the "fourth" in your double-date with Johnny Depp & Orlando Bloom?

Oh, and is it just me, or does "Morgetron" sound like MY Alternate Universe Evil Twin???

Janna said...

Morgen: Noooo, the four are as follows:
(1) Janna
(2) Evil Janna
(3) Orlando
(4) Johnny.

If you want, you can tag along to be the photographer for the calendar, though...

Pand0ra Wilde said...

How about putting a rap version of "Aida" on somewhere in Detroit? We can make both Tupac and whoever wrote Aida spin in their graves simultaneously.

Gwenhwyfar said...

Can I get some All-Bran and cookies over here?

Janna said...

Pand0ra: Aida was an opera written by Verdi! :) Let the grave-spinning begin!

Gwen: I'm not sure I can sneak them past the Canadian border... I might end up having to give half the load to crooked Mounties named "Pierre" and "Marcel".

Dont make me get out my flying Monkeys! said...

Oh lA LA!

COME VISKT MY BLOG!

Janna said...

Monkeys: Can I drink some of whatever you're drinking?

Marilyn said...

I didn't know you could bake with prozac. I thought maybe it was like cheap artificial sweetner and the heat destroyed it. Hmmm... we need a whole cookbook of feel-good foods to go with this revelation.

Travis said...

Important safety tip - carefully label the tofu and Prozac. It would be a terrible shame if those two items got mixed up in #5 and #6.

Happy MM!

crazy working mom said...

I love the All Bran one! Let me know when you get that one accomplished so I can eat that stuff. :)

Gwenhwyfar said...

Damn Pierre and Marcel! They're always thwarting my plans! Them and that damned Dudley Do-right!
I know, I'll tie some helpless girl to the railroad tracks to distract them!

Julie said...

Well you have a lot of great ideas...but I must say the chocolate bran buds would be pretty cool!

Janna said...

Marilyn: I'll be glad to be one of the taste-testers!!

Travis: Luckily, tofu is not generally found in tablet form.

CWM: We could eat it by the fistful!

Gwen: Maybe I should stop dressing like Snidely Whiplash... I might be attracting unwanted attention. Does this mean I have to shave the mustache too?

Julie: They seem to be popular here in the comment section!