Monday, October 15, 2007

Manic Monday: Bat

I understand nothing about sports.
Really, it's ok. Don't feel bad for me. I've decided not to worry about it.
Baseball, for example. Apparently you hit the ball into 18 diamond-shaped holes while trying not to hit the net or knock the racket into the gutter.
This is completely different from football, where you can't hit your opponent over the head with a bat unless the puck has bounced on the sand at least once.
Hockey is even more violent. A lot of fights break out there, when teammates reach for the balls in each other's baskets and throw whatever they find into a homemade plate. This is known as making a "touch down."
Bowling can be painful too, especially when you aren't allowed to use your hands. You CAN kick the bowling ball into the end zone, though, or bounce it off your knees or elbows. You can even bounce it off your head if you want. This explains why bowlers drink so much beer.
I can see why ESPN feels the need to devote an entire network to this.
Sort of.
.

27 comments:

Villager said...

Great information in your MM post! You are creative with words as well as your graphic artistry...

I thought of baseball in my MM post today.

peace, Villager

Janna said...

Villager: Yes, and be sure to take all my information to heart; it's 100% factual. I researched it painstakingly.

tegdirb92 said...

I LOVE how you explained it all. I am not an avid follower of any sport and I found your explanations wonderful. Enjoy your Monday.

Gattina said...

For somebody who doesn't know nothing about sports you know a lot, lol ! I don't even know how all these games are played besides bowling !

Square1 said...

Your P.E. teacher must have tried to cover everything all at once. I'm not an avid sports person either. Not because I don't understand the game, but because I'd much rather be playing than watching.

Mr. Fabulous said...

Phillistine.

Christine of Epiphany said...

Heh. Yeah, I know. I feel your non-pain on this one...

maryt/theteach said...

Janna, that's the funniest posdt I've read so far!! Really great! You seem to have a grip on all sports!

Happy MM!

Jamie said...

For the first time, I truly understand Baseball.

Finn said...

Oh, now I get it...

Janna said...

Tegdirb: Glad I could help.

Gattina: Well, bowling is the only one I've actually DONE... It was almost 25 years ago, and my head still hurts.

Square1: Acccghhh! Playing is even WORSE than watching!

Mr. Fab: If you can be a Philistine about hot sauce, I can be a Philistine about sports.

Christine: It's even LESS painful when I change the channel!

Marytheteach: I'm glad it made someone laugh! :)

Jamie: Then my work here is done.

Finn: See? Easy as pie!

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Love the new banner. I love your twist on bat too. How you mixed up the different sports. Thanks for my morning laugh and I got a visual on a couple of these. Have a great MM. :)

Sophia said...

LOL!!!! Great post...you really know your stuff!!

Robin said...

From one clueless person about sports to another I'll just agree with everything you said.

Matt-Man said...

Your post reminds me of when I played croquet and the volleyball never fit through the wicket. Cheers!!

Janna said...

Sandee: Thanks for stopping by!

Sophia: Or at least I'm good at pretending to know my stuff. :)

Robin: Excellent!

Matt-Man: Try golf balls. They fit through the wickets REALLY well.

Mert said...

That was hilarious! If only understanding sports were that easy ;) Happy MM!

Lynda said...

I understand sports so much better now, thanks to this post!

Teri said...

I'm conducting a poll over on my blog about you. come visit.

lisa said...

this makes perfect sense to me! thanks for the laugh.

Janna said...

Mert: Thanks for stopping by, and I'm glad you laughed. :)

Lynda: Consider it a public service. And it's free!

Teri: Yikes! It's about who is crazier, Me or Fab.... I want to win SOOOO bad, but I probably won't because he has a readership of HUNDREDS, and they will all vote for him. Still, I am infinitely flattered that you would try putting me in the same category!

Lisa: It's all crystal clear now, isn't it? :)

Travis said...

I nominate you to be the US Ambassador to the first outer space aliens that land here on our planet.

Janna said...

Travis: I talked to them just last night. They hate baseball too, but they do love Hostess cherry pies. Oh, and they want us to give Michael Jackson back. I told them that wouldn't be a problem.

Marilyn said...

I'm making a homeschool lesson out of your post.

Janna said...

Marilyn: Excellent!

Travis said...

This is even more funny the second time around.

Janna said...

Travis: Just think of how great it'll be the third time around!