Manic Monday: Bat

I understand nothing about sports.
Really, it's ok. Don't feel bad for me. I've decided not to worry about it.
Baseball, for example. Apparently you hit the ball into 18 diamond-shaped holes while trying not to hit the net or knock the racket into the gutter.
This is completely different from football, where you can't hit your opponent over the head with a bat unless the puck has bounced on the sand at least once.
Hockey is even more violent. A lot of fights break out there, when teammates reach for the balls in each other's baskets and throw whatever they find into a homemade plate. This is known as making a "touch down."
Bowling can be painful too, especially when you aren't allowed to use your hands. You CAN kick the bowling ball into the end zone, though, or bounce it off your knees or elbows. You can even bounce it off your head if you want. This explains why bowlers drink so much beer.
I can see why ESPN feels the need to devote an entire network to this.
Sort of.
.