Thursday, September 6, 2007

Thirteen things I have never received in the mail

1. License plate from Vermont
2. Ice sculpture of a buzzard
3. Laptop computer
4. Postcard from Australia
5. Schematics for an anti-gravity generator
6. Pubic hair
7. Fan letter from someone who has been attacked by wild geese
8. Death threats
9. Algae
10. Vial of Johnny Depp's blood
11. An alligator's tooth
12. Burnt toast
13. Card that says "Thank you for stalking me"


Angry said...

5 (maybe);
Give me your address and I'll see to that you get these in the mail. And if you like I'll also throw in;
Melted Chocolate;
A snake;
One dirty sock;
An eyelash;
Pocket lint;
Ear wax;
Belly button fluff;
A will;
A way; and
A runcible spoon.

Mr. Fabulous said...

Fair enough. On Saturday I shall send you one of those 13 in the mail.

Janna said...

Angry: Lovely! Here's the address:
Janna Franklin
8434 West Litchfield Rd.
Litchfield, MI 49252-9323

Mr. Fab: It'll be the pubic hair, won't it....

Mo said...

yep, I'm banking on the pubic hair from Fab. I mean, where is he going to get an algae-covered Vermont license plate?

Turnbaby said...


As soon as I saw number 6 my first thought was Fabby's gonna send Janna pubes in the mail.

tee hee

Lynda said...

I hope Fab sends you an alligator tooth. That would be cool! Well, unless he lost his good arm.

Angry said...

Ah good, you're closer than I thought so I'll hand deliver it. Expect me soon.

Janna said...

Morgen: I can only hope!

Turnbaby: Maybe I can frame them!

Lynda: An alligator tooth would be COOL because I could make a necklace out of it.

Angry: See you soon. If I'm not home, just break a window or something. Help yourself to whatever's in the fridge. Beware of some of the leftovers.

Angry said...

Cool, thanks Janna.
And so I just leave the package that has your name all over on the upturned table in the trashed kitchen... right?

Janna said...

Angry: Or I could turn the table upside down myself, and when you leave you could turn it right-side-up again. That could be a fun twist on the usual stalker theme.
I think there's a hatchet in the garage if you need one.

Mr. Fabulous said...

Why does everyone think it's going to be the pubic hair? Do I have a reputation or something?

Janna said...

Mr. Fab: You're positively DRIPPING with reputation. :) Watch out, that stuff can stain.

katherine. said...

somehow I knew where this comment thread would go...

Travis said...

Drat! I could have done #7 for you too, cause I'm a fan of yours and I have actually been chased by wild geese.

Fortunately I was the faster runner and the other guy got bit.

Janna said...

Katherine: It's always nice when the comment threads actually GO places.

Travis: Go ahead and send it! I need all I can get!