Please don't buy my house

Subject lines for ten pieces of SPAM in my e-mail right now:

1) "Get A Free Oprah trip including air and hotel"
(Hint: If you want someone to travel somewhere, don't use Oprah as an incentive).

2) "I want to buy your house"
(Um, then where will I live?)

3) "Be The 1st to see Grease Live"
(Somehow I think it's too late to be the FIRST...)

4) "If you die. Love continues. Protect your loved ones."
(How morbid! And who exactly is it that loves me so much?)

5) "Meet your match. Create a new romance in just minutes."
(Ah, OK, so I'll meet the person, THEN I'll die, and the love will continue, blah blah blah)

6) "Get your piece of the E-Bay pie"
(Can mine be blueberry?)

7) "An uncommon coffee for an uncommon coffee drinker"
(Uncommon, in the sense that I don't drink coffee...)

8) " A bottle of great tasting wine is always a fantastic gift"
(Unless, of course, the recipient doesn't like wine...)

9) "WE want to buy your house"
(Again? And now there are two of you? I said NO!)

10) "The secret to a healthier, more vibrant You"
(... is probably for me to stop spending all night on the computer and actually get some decent sleep...)