The Jannapedia continues

More additions to the Jannapedia.... actual "anti-spam" words I've gotten from Blogger, which I've adopted and given my own definitions:


ATIONS: The people that come from Atia.

FLATIN: If teh possm runz in frunt of yu, its ok to flatin it.

BROACTIV: A version of Proactiv Solution made especially for men.

MITYP: He was a nice person and all, but just not mi typ.

OBPOINGS: The sounds that happen when you drop heavy silverware on a trampoline.

STHUNDS: The sounds that happen when you drop a three pound block of cheese onto a wet lawn.

QUERSH: The sound that happens when you accidentally step on a bag full of jello.

PIRSIN: Sumtimez yu meet a pirsin who duzn't relly care abuot speling tings rite.

MUTSTOY: Tolstoy's dog.

CHARK: Charcoal without any coal.

PANGER: A sign found in a high-voltage area which is frequented by dyslexic people.

PALIT: Teh artest keeps hiz paynt on a palit so he kan pant pikshers of stuf.

PUPER: The part of a baby that seems to work better than all the other parts.
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Wordless Wednesday

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Various Thoughts

1. They can make paper out of wombat poop now. Just think of the possibilities! For example, they could be used to make.... um.... well.... Scratch and Sniff cards that say "Happy Wombat Day, Grandma!"

2. I've decided that I want to start collecting shark's teeth. No reason. Where does one find shark's teeth in Michigan?

3. Wondering how to decorate your next cake? Here, just make it shaped like a giant nose with stuff coming out of it.

4. It's raining right now and I can't help feeling like I'm in a little corner of the universe where someone just turned on a really big lawn sprinkler.

5. Bonus haiku I wrote, just for you:

Craving hot breadsticks
Dripping in deliciousness
Not phallic, I swear

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Hopefully Canada will forgive me

This past winter was pretty cold. Colder than usual.
I found myself actually shivering and wearing multiple layers for warmth.

This is unheard of in the Jannaverse.

I'd always been that chick who HATES hot weather and LOVES each and every arctic blast of winter.
Blizzards were thrilling.
Wind chill was an exciting friend.
And, come on, who really needs to be able to feel their extremities ALL the time?

Yet, last winter, I was forced to admit that there really is such a thing as "too cold".
I say this with a healthy amount of shame and embarrassment, since this certainly means I have lost the respect of polar bears, penguins, harp seals, and Canadians.

I'm curious to see if this means I'll be more tolerant of warm weather.
That'd come in handy, since I have no air conditioning and am usually reduced to a melted bubbling puddle of grease by the time August arrives. (You have no idea how hard it is to get that stain out of the carpet.)

If, however, I find that I still hate hot weather, I will know that I have officially become one of "those" people. The ones who have something to complain about no matter what the temperature is.
This should be exciting, from a blogging standpoint. Eventually all my posts will end up saying one of two things:

1. It was too cold today.
2. It was too hot today.

Maybe, as time progresses, there can be a few alternate options:

3. It was too rainy today.
4. It was too sunny today.
5. What's that smell?
6. I'm going to come live in your back yard.
7. Today tasted like strawberries.
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It's comforting to know that as I age, I am under no obligation to make sense.
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At least it's not Monday

It's Friday night.
Here is a list of the exciting things I've done so far.

1. Emptied the litter box
2. Played anagram word games on Facebook
3. Took a nap

I feel an urge to at least drive somewhere and do something, so I can reassure the world that I'm still alive. (I like to delude myself into believing people worry about that sort of thing).

Anyone have any suggestions?
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Someday my nose will honk at seven-thirty

Five Evil Things Clowns Haven't Done (yet):

1. Turning the entire world's supply of cheese into vinyl. (They might have started on some of that rubbery "fat free" cheese. It's hard to tell.)

2. Barricading your door with a giant pile of really big shoes

3. Discovering how many lawyers can fit in a Volkswagen-- on a hot July day with the windows up and the A.C. broken. (The jury's still out on whether or not this actually qualifies as "evil".)

4. Secretly putting round red noses on you while you sleep, and honking them right before your alarm clock goes off

5. Bribing world leaders into making big rainbow wigs mandatory for anyone over 40
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Just in case you're still thinking about the rainbow wig thing, I've taken the liberty of poorly and hastily photoshopping eight people from the "over 40" crowd so you can see what they will look like after clowns take over the world.
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Today's "Thursday Thirteen" was in a 5+8 format... Just thought I'd point that out.

If you're a fan of any of these people, please don't hurt me. In fact, I should probably point out that I like some of them too.
Let's see.... I like... three of them. Maybe four.
I'll let you decide which ones.

And... I just realized I'm turning forty next year, which means I'd better start shopping for my wig now.
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Wordless Wednesday

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Math Problem For Today

How many times will Janna have to wake up feeling comatose before she realizes she just can't stay up late like she used to?

Bonus question: How many hours of sleep does she need before she realizes she forgot to put the clothes in the dryer and therefore has no clean pants to wear tomorrow?

Super Bonus question: Describe in mathematical detail how to rapidly dry a pair of pants while simultaneously getting ready for work and telling the cats to get off the kitchen counter.
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We're all just a bunch of big walking greenhouses

When I was a kid, my great-grandmother would always tell me I shouldn't swallow seeds or pits. She'd say it would make a plant grow out of my head.
I assumed she was joking, but still got a kick out of the mental image of a cherry tree growing out of my skull. Or maybe a few nice strawberry plants. Add some raspberries and I could have tasty vitamin-packed snacks whenever I wanted.
How convenient!

Then, many years later, mom told me about some kid who really DID have something growing in his skull. He was dumb enough to stick a kidney bean up his nose, and the bean started sprouting in his sinus cavity. (Accgghh! Shudder! Twitch! Twitch!)
If I remember correctly, they had to surgically remove it.

And then, I happened to find this story about a grown man who had a fir tree growing in his lung. (!!!) The story says he apparently inhaled a small bud, and it took root. They had to remove that section of his lung. Click on the link for a rather disgusting picture of it.
Here's the part that makes me a little confused:
How did it grow without sunlight? I can see how it would have had plenty of nutrients and moisture, but don't plants die without sunlight?
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Various Thoughts

1. If soap smelled like dirt, would it make germaphobes want to shower more often or less often?

2. I am too lazy to Google the history of tea, but I hope the person who invented it was nice.

3. Remember the spicy burger recipe I created? Marilyn just got her daughter Jasmine to try it. She posted about it on her blog. Go tell them both how proud you are.

4. Am I imagining this, or are the majority of tailgaters driving trucks and SUV's? Is it wrong to smile as I picture them sinking slowly into a pit of quicksand?
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Things I forgot to do yesterday

1. Levitate
2. Find inner peace
3. Fart in a library
4. Remember that cats can't understand English
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The verdict is in....

So, did any of you wonder how the composing contest turned out?
Tuesday night, after band, the group listened to my music and Kyle's music.

I'm humbled and honored to report that they voted me as the winner. (!!)
Wow! :)
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I like my ovencows with barbecue sauce

More additions to the Jannapedia.... as most of you know, these are actual "anti-spam" words I've gotten from Blogger, which I've adopted and given my own definitions:


INGLU: After I snorted Elmers and then sneezed, I was covered inglu.

OVENCOWS: Best when cooked at 350 degrees for 45 minutes.

OPTISTE: An optimistic artiste. Or an optimist who can't spell.

UNTAE: If yu untae mae shuez, I wil trip and fall doun.

BRANTIN: Tin with a lot of fiber.

BUGMEAL: Um... no thanks. I'm full. Really.

SAINE: Oooh! This is the perfect way to say "I" am in "Sane". Get it?

SHOTOP: No! YOU shut up!

GUING: I just drank a gallon of tea and am guing to have to pee soon.

TANTIM: What happened after Tim went to the beach for a couple hours, right before he became burnttim.

JARKET: A jacket made out of old pickle jars.

SISSEFRO: An afro that looks particularly girly.

IMANCE: Romance by yourself.
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Wordless Wednesday

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That sound you hear is Ronald McDonald whimpering and sobbing in the corner like a pansy

Remember a couple Fridays ago, when I spoke of my desire to create the perfect hot & spicy burger?
I think I've succeeded.
Everyone (especially Whall), you simply MUST try this.

For the burger:
Take half a pound of hamburger and mix in 1 tablespoon hot cajun seasoning along with 1 teaspoon cayenne powder. (I used the medicinal strength stuff, but you can use the kind that's in the spice aisle). Mitmita would also work, if you can get a good hot batch. So would Blair's Death Rain. You can either make one half-pound patty or two quarter-pound patties. They'll shrink when you cook them, so it's not as huge as it sounds. Cook them however you want; I like mine well-done.

For the bun:
Any kind will work as long as you toast it beforehand. Toasting adds a special something-- in flavor, appearance, and texture. Highly recommended. Just place both sides face down on a cookie sheet and toast it in the oven til it's golden brown.

Toppings:
-Tomato,
-Bacon,
-Pepper jack cheese (use habanero jack if you can find it instead of that wussy jalapeno stuff),
-A few of those canned crunchy french fried onions* which have been tossed with some hot cajun seasoning and maybe a few drops of hot sauce (bonus points if you toast them in the oven beforehand)
-And at least 2 tablespoons of barbecue sauce mixed with at least half a teaspoon of cayenne pepper.

It's yummy.
Try it.
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*P.S. I know! I know, I hate onions, yet I like the crispy canned kind. Maybe it's because they've been processed into oblivion and have hardly any of their original onion molecules left.
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Math Problem For Today

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If the schoolyard temperature is 40 degrees lower than the average, but still 20 degrees warmer than the record low, and if ice crystals start forming within 18 seconds, how many taste buds will Greg lose when his buddies dare him to stick his tongue on the flagpole?
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So, um, whaddya think....?

Hey, guess what!
Remember the post I did last February, about the composition challenge between Kyle#2 and me?
The deadline is April 15th, so last night I took my finished work over to him.
We listened to each other's stuff, and the judging will happen this Tuesday (the 14th) after band.

Kyle #2 was kind enough to put a recording of my composition on his server, so you can all hear it. (Yay! Thank you!)

Here it is... go listen. If you're on dial-up (like me), it may take a moment to load. If you're on one of those new-fangled speedy high-falutin' connections, you probably heard this before I even started typing the post. I'll try not to be jealous or bitter.

As per the rules, my composition is between 32 and 60 measures long (58, to be exact), it's in the meter of 2/4, in the key of b-minor, in a 60 bpm tempo, has no triplets, and is scored for full orchestra.

Sorry the last measure seems to have gotten chopped off before the last note is done. The original file wasn't like that, so I dunno what happened there.

Anyway, listen and let me know what you think.

I've titled it "A Moment's Requiem".
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I Welcome Your Entre-thoughts

For those of you who aren't involved with Entrecard, this post won't make any sense.
If that's the case, you can go eat some chocolate and pretend I wrote something hilarious-- be sure and practice your light-hearted chuckling in case someone asks you what I wrote. Just make something up. Maybe something involving Eskimos and jello.

Ok... you Entre-folks are probably aware that they've switched over to accepting paid ads.
Previously it was just a fun way for blogs to advertise on each other (using pretend money called "entre-credits", or "ec"), and you could surf around and discover new blogs you hadn't read before. I liked it.

Now they're adding paid ads to the mix. The thing is, WE (the bloggers) don't directly make any money off of them. Only Entrecard gets to keep that money. Our blogs are just sort of a tool to bring revenue to Entrecard now. They ARE supposedly unveiling a thing this weekend, with some sort of plan where the blogger can make a small amount of cash, if they jump through a bunch of hoops and cash in their credits. We haven't been told yet what the amount-per-credit will be, but I doubt it will be very high.
Plus, they're going to be discriminating against the bloggers who don't permit paid ads to appear. Only the sheep who blindly accept a high percentage of paid ads will get to cash out their ec points.

I find this kind of distasteful, much like a forgotten lump of limburger cheese stuffed in the toes of an unwashed gym sock, discovered in a small attic during an unseasonably hot August.

Plus, I'd kind of prided myself on keeping the Jannaverse an ad-free zone. My other two blogs, Jantics and Jantrails, have had ads on them in the past, but even then I tried keeping it to a bare minimum.
There IS an option (on the "advert settings" link in the Entrecard dashboard) to stop accepting ads, but it disables ALL ads-- not just the paid ones. I learned that today when I went to my dashboard and discovered that my ad price had dropped all the way down to 8ec. Eight! Well, of course it was because no one could buy an ad; I'd inadvertently disabled EVERYONE.

Sorry about that; if you were one of the people who tried. I wasn't trying to make it inaccessible to everyone; I just wanted to automatically reject all the paid ads. And it seems there's no way to do that. We have to go to our dashboard every day and individually reject each and every ad that applies, and if we don't reject it within 24 hours, the Entrecard people start putting it on our blogs anyway.

This is rotten, I tell you.

So I've been considering the possibility of leaving Entrecard altogether. I know a lot of other people have already made that choice, either hastily or after a lot of thought.
I've been giving it a lot of thought.
Still, I'd like to know what the rest of you think.

If you're an Entrecard person, how have you reacted to the onslaught of paid ads?
What do you think about their policy that "regular" blog ads (the old-fashioned kind paid with ec, not cash) only get 50% of the viewing time now, having to share 50% of the time with the paid ads? Doesn't it seem like the "regular" blog ads are getting cheated out of half their time?
Discuss.
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Thirteen things the letters DUH could stand for

1. Dogs Understand Hungarian

2. Donuts Ultimately Help

3. Drink Unleaded Heineken

4. Delightful Unabashed Happiness

5. Dents Usually Hurt

6. Disgusting Uncooked Hamburgers

7. Deluxe Umbrellas Hover

8. Dueling Urethras.... Huh?

9. Dracula Urges Hemophiliacs

10. Dragons Unfortunately Hide

11. Demented Umpires Horrify

12. Dreaming Underneath Helicopters

13. Don't Urinate; Hibernate!
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(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

I was gonna have this be a Wordless Wednesday, but there are just too many questions....
1. Why are they wearing frilly little skirts and ruffly sleeves?
2. Why go half-naked into ice-cold water?
3. If the one guy is walking on the ice, why is the other guy trying to dive into it?
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Because poverty is no excuse to act normal

Since I'm embarrassingly poor and can't even afford one night in a cheap smelly motel, I must therefore search for other ways to have good times.

Here is a list of options for my next "trip", all of which are surprisingly affordable.

1) Drive to the nearest gas station and sit in the parking lot with a sketch pad. Draw pictures of all the people filling up their gas tanks. If someone asks what you're doing, say "I can't afford to fill my own gas tank, so I have to live vicariously through those who can." Then ask them to go pose next to the Premium Unleaded.

2) Walk to the back yard and count all the blades of grass. Make up names for the prettiest ones. Decide whether or not to pick them and press them in between the pages of a really big book. Imagine, 20 years from now, you will have little Susie and Arnold and Plaquandra beautifully dried and preserved, and you can talk to them whenever you want to....

3) Walk to the front yard carrying an ice-cold glass of tea. Lay on a big thick comfy blanket with a big pile of phone books from nearby counties. As cars drive by, gasp and point at the driver as if you recognize them, simultaneously pointing down at a page in the phone book. If their window is down, scream "Oh, no! Not you again!"

4) Drive to the nearest waterbed store, carrying two large suitcases. Tell the employee you have a reservation for 7:00. Plop yourself on one of the beds and pretend to fall asleep instantly. If they ask you to leave, "wake up" and pretend not to speak English.

5) Walk to the other side of the road. Say "Wow, the chicken was right," then walk back.

6) Go to a nearby park and sit on a bench. Hold a penny in front of you and pretend to examine it closely. If someone walks by, ask "Here, does this smell funny to you?" If they actually take the penny and sniff it, say "I thought I rinsed off most of the dog poop, but...."
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Burgers everywhere are gasping in anticipation

I haven't been online for a couple days, and therefore didn't get to answer your comments til Thursday night. Sorry if I kept you waiting in some miserable oblivion of impatient unending nothingness.
Luckily I'd had blog posts all scheduled in advance (yay for automatic posting!), so you got the same percentage of Janna-ness (Jannosity? Jann-ticity?) as if I'd actually been here in person.

I see that while I was gone, Whall did a blog post which mentioned my predilection for hot spicy things.
He recommends the "Burnin' Love" burger from Red Robin:

Have any of you tried it?
It's got pepper jack cheese, "tangy" salsa, and deep fried jalapenos.

It doesn't look like it would be very hot... but still, I'm curious.
After checking the Red Robin site, I saw that the closest Red Robin locations are in Lansing and Portage.
Maybe I can talk someone into accompanying me there someday soon. If I do, I promise to blog about it.

In the meantime, I've decided it's time for me to create my very own Jannaverse-approved recipe for the ultimate spicy burger.

Just think of the possibilities!

Remember the other recipes I've created, like the Jannaverse Sandwich and the Hot Chex Mix.
This will be the next page in the ever-growing Jannaverse Cookbook.

In the next couple days, I'll start experimenting with different burger toppings and seasonings and preparation methods.
Stay tuned.

Oh, and did I mention that when I'm finished, I officially double-triple-dog dare Whall to try the recipe, and to film himself preparing it and eating it and giving his honest opinion of its deliciousness?
And then he must post this video on his blog.
You can all be there to watch. :)
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Thirteen additions to the Jannapedia

(In case you're just joining us, the Jannapedia is a list of anti-spam "words" I've seen on Blogger lately. I've listed them here with their own definitions/usages.)

ABLESSIN: After Joe-Bob and Mary-Lou had their shotgun weddin', the preacher gave them a-blessin' and they went on with the honeymoon in the WalMart parking lot.

CROSE: There wer too many crose in the cornfeld so we shot sum and had em for dinner.

SHEEMOM: The opposite of a "Heedad".

TREEN: A tree between the ages of 12 and 20.

UNSTRAIT: Either crooked or gay. Not sure which.

STRAWK: The letter "K" was just too thick and pointy to get sucked up into the straw, which was quite an annoyance for the person drinking the alphabet milkshake.

HYDROSES: Really watery roses.

LATINGEN: Not to be confused with Greek Gen or Roman Gen.

DELEC: "Oh, this worm is delectable," Patty Perch tried to say, before getting fatally hooked on the fisherman's line and beginning her new career as a Friday Fish Basket.

BOLPH: The sound you make when trying to stifle a burp in public.

DIEST: (1) He who jumpeth out of planes with no parachute, usually diest. (2) After many long months of salary negotiations, the letter "G" finally gave up and decided to quit the Reader's Digest.

PROMAST: I nevr promast to lern how to spel. So quit naggning me abuot it.

SUBTRATI: The subtrati are a super-secret elite group who have devoted their lives and vital energy to subtraction. It's a way of life that can go WAY into the negative numbers. Unless, of course, they're subtracting negatives from negatives, in which case it goes into the positives again. I'm not a member. I swear.
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Wordless Wednesday

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