Desktop meme

Morgen tagged me with the Desktop Meme, which is where you do a screencap of your computer's desktop and post it for everyone to see.
Well, since I'm Fab's official stalker, naturally he's prominently featured in my wallpaper decor.
Yup... that restraining order should be arriving any day now...

Children's Books We May Never See Unless I Write Them Myself

How To Throw Up In The Middle Of K-Mart

Poison Ivy Works Better Than Toilet Paper

Why Rated-X Is More Fun Than PG

How To Drive Mom Crazy With Pointless Questions

The Ninja Turtles Cross The Highway A Little Too Slowly

Every Time You Sneeze, An Angel Dies

Gretel Tells Hansel She's Pregnant With His Baby On The Jerry Springer Show

Brushing Your Teeth With Superglue

Why Daddy And The Mailman Are Such Good Friends

Ronald McDonald Gets A Prostate Exam

101 Stains That Will Never Come Out Of The Carpet

Mommy, What Does 'Herpes' Mean?

How To Make Mommy's Hair Turn Gray Even Faster

How Many Matchbox Cars Can Billy Swallow?

Billy Gets His Stomach Pumped

Yogi Finally Mauls Ranger Smith

There's No Santa, There Never Was, And There Never Will Be.... So THERE!
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P.S. If you liked these, check out my guest post today on Pointless Drivel!
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Thank goodness for stain-resistant car seats

Somewhere in the world is a guy named Joe, who is currently driving 78mph on the Interstate. Joe had two bran muffins for breakfast because the doctor said to get more fiber. He also drank an entire pot of coffee, because, let's face it, Joe loves coffee.
Joe now has to pee really bad, and the gurgling in his gut suggests something else might be happening down there as well.
The nearest rest area is at least 20 miles away, and the kids in the back seat just started singing "One Hundred Bottles Of Beer On The Wall" for the 32nd time so far that day.
Unbeknownst to Joe, his car will soon hit a deer about five miles up the road, at which point he will no longer need to use the restroom.
Aren't you glad you're not Joe?

Unless, of course, your name really IS Joe, in which case you might want to slow down a little.
And cut back on the coffee.

Wordless Wednesday

(Courtesy of Fab, taken while he was in the produce section...)

Perfectly logical thoughts

I was just sitting back in my chair, looking up at the ceiling.
I have had a headache for the past hour or so.
My ceiling is interesting, in a chaotic illogical patternless sort of way.
Brussels sprouts make no sense.
There may be a train leaving Vienna right now, headed in the wrong direction.
Lizards probably speak Vietnamese when no one is around to hear them.
But they do it with an Australian accent, like that gecko in the Geico commercials.
My head hurts.
Ooooh, look, dancing igloos made from herb butter and confetti!
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I survived!

I survived my second co-hosting gig at Pointless Drivel Live last night.
And I had fun because I wasn't nearly as nervous this time.

You can (hopefully) listen to it by clicking HERE.

Fab's "Theme music" for me was "When You're Strange".
LOL.
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Manic Monday: Kit

I'm home!
Being a blogging addict, it's always hard for me to go a whole weekend without posting anything. Even though I loved visiting Lee and Morgen (as always), I would occasionally miss my e-mail and my blogs.
But I was able to get through it, with the following items in my

BLOGGING ADDICT'S SURVIVAL KIT:

1. Good company from good friends
2. Comfy bed with comfy blankets
3. Ice cream with blueberry topping
4. Purring cats
5. Perfectly chilled bottled water
6. Hot relaxing bath with wonderfully scented soap
7. James Bond movies
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Um... ouch

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While I'm gone, you can spend your time perusing this...

Be sure to notice the picture and caption.
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My suitcase is packed!

Wow, time creeps up on you, doesn't it?
Just like an old pair of underwear with elastic that's holding up a tiny surrender flag.

I'm leaving tomorrow for what will hopefully be a delightful weekend with Morgen and Lee. All week long I've been reminding myself that I need to pack my suitcase, and all week I've been procrastinating.
I'm good at that. It's one of my strengths.

Computer graphics, music composition, and procrastinating.
I should have business cards made up.

I'll be back on Sunday afternoon/evening, in time to co-host Fab's radio show at 7:00. This will be the second time I've co-hosted. I hope to sound like less of a freak this time. Tune in and see what happens! Maybe I will have a meltdown on the air, and curl up in the fetal position while mumbling Icelandic folk song lyrics in an eerie monotone. Good times!

Here's the link to his host page. It appears that I will be show #35.
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Thirteen things that do NOT belong in a swimming pool

1) Toaster oven
2) Suede
3) Molten lava
4) Lawn mower
5) Loaf of bread
6) Extension cord
7) Moose
8) Anyone wearing a diaper
9) Olive oil
10) Sewing machine
11) Thumb tacks
12) Sharks
13) Used condoms
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Five months already

Today is the five-month anniversary of my freaky leg injury, which happened last April when a 2-liter bottle fell on me. It was a full bottle, and it happened to fall from the top shelf of the fridge, turning itself over on the way down. It dug into my leg cap-side first, causing a painful and ugly injury that refused to heal and eventually turned into full-blown cellulitis.
Most of my regular readers are familiar with the whole saga, but just in case you're new, you can read the whole thread here. The first post is on April 20th, so start there and work your way forward.
I'd love to say that the leg is completely healed by now, but it still has just a teensy way to go. Can you believe it, FIVE MONTHS, and still not completely healed. Almost, though.
Maybe next month.

Wordless Wednesday

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Would you like that in a cone or a dish?

For today's post, I bring you a list of disgusting ice cream flavors.
These are ACTUAL flavors of ice cream, taken from this list.
As scary as it may seem, these are real.
The list has 101 flavors, but I'm just going to list the ones I thought were the most disgusting:

#4: Ox Tongue
#12: Eel
#14: Chicken Wing
#17: Raw Horseflesh
#23: Seaweed
#26: Garlic
#28: Lettuce and Potato
#38: Soy Sauce
#39: Pit Viper
#42: Salad
#43: Charcoal
#51: Squid Gut
#52: Squid Ink
#71: Spaghetti Bolognaise
#72: Tuna Fish
#73: Onion
#85: Chicken Fried Steak
#87: Chunky Bacon
#88: Barbecue
#93: Haddock
#98: Sauerkraut
#101: Mustard

Believe me, there are plenty more gross ones on the list that I didn't include. Feel free to go check.
Now, who wants dessert?
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Manic Monday: Crisp

Five things that should NOT be crisp:

1. Eyeballs
2. Shoelaces
3. Soup
4. Leather
5. Bowel movements

Poetry Corner

********************************
You do not understand
What I'm saying, my friend
Little frogs will pretend
Feel the turtles expand
Though their shells never bend
When the robins demand
More than ferrets intend
Won't you please understand
What I'm saying, my friend?
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Written Last July:
It's hot and I'm going to complain
'Cause this heat is so friggin' insane
While I'm surfing the net
You can tell I'm upset
The last line of this poem doesn't rhyme
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I write a lot of worthless crap
When all my energy is sapped
I'll write some more
But not before
I have a 14-hour nap
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First I need to buy a lot of green paint...

Here's an unusual concept.
http://www.slashfood.com/2007/07/31/a-new-way-to-get-what-you-want/

Paint something, then sell the painting for what the subject would have actually cost.
For example, paint a picture of a steak, and sell it for the amount you'd need to buy a steak.
Paint a car and sell it for the cost of a car.
I'm surprised at some of the prices in the post, though. I mean, where do buffalo wings cost $12.70? That seems outrageously high.
And the steak picture doesn't even LOOK tasty.

Things I would paint if I knew I could sell them
for the monetary value of the subject:

1) A million dollars, sitting next to a billion dollars, with a trillion dollars in the background
2) Actually, that pretty much covers it.
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Various Thoughts

(1) I hate reality TV shows, but it might be neat if we could strike up a deal with some aliens. They could randomly probe a different celebrity each week, and it would all be caught on film! Kind of like "ET meets Candid Camera"... with an added dose of the surgery shows and a porno flick. Would that be a ratings juggernaut or what???

(2) I've decided that "Skank-O-Septic" would be a fun name for a feminine hygiene spray.

(3) It would have been a fun practical joke if Beethoven was only pretending to be deaf, so he could more easily eavesdrop on people. I could test this theory by making a sign that says "Feel free to talk about me; I can't hear you anyway". It could be an interesting experiment, though it might lead to me slashing a few tires later on.

On my other blogs today...
Jantics: Three things I have never found on the ground
Jantrails: Ten things Mozart never had to deal with
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Zero isn't always bad

Sometimes zero is a bad thing.
Like when it's your result on an IQ test.

Zero is also a bad thing when it's your blog's PR ranking. I've blogged about that over at Jantrails a few times, HERE and HERE.

There's this stuff called "Coke Zero." Fab loves it. I tried it awhile back and hated it. You may remember that I blogged about it over at Jantics, (HERE).

Well, if you read one of my recent Jantrails posts (HERE), you know I'm trying to make a few slight changes, one of which is avoiding sugary soda. For the time being at least, I'm ok with that. We'll see what the future brings. Mostly I drink water, occasionally having other things like tea or juice. I've been doing this for over a month now.

I see that they now have cherry Coke Zero. I decided to try a bottle this evening.
My rationale was this: Now that my taste buds aren't so used to the taste of sugar and high fructose corn syrup, maybe Coke Zero will taste better this time.
I've discovered that I still don't like traditional "diet" soda. It tastes like drain cleaner.

Please don't ask me how I know what drain cleaner tastes like. Or, if you must ask, just go HERE to my Jantics post where I explain that the senses of smell and taste are closely linked. Most of the time, you can tell what something will taste like by smelling it.

But I digress.

I tried the Cherry Coke Zero....
And surprisingly, I didn't mind it at all.
There's just a tiny bit of "chemical swamp" at the end, but not nearly as bad as I remember. I could definitely handle this, for future soda cravings.
I also saw "Sprite Zero" (which apparently is the same as the old Diet Sprite, just re-marketed in a different way). I tried a bottle of that, and actually liked that too.
So this is promising!

My main beverage will still continue to be water, but it's nice to know that I now have more options.
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Thursday Thirteen: Liquid Heat

Those who know me well are aware of my fondness for hot things.
I hate hot weather but I love hot spices and hot sauce.
Occasionally I blog about things I've tried, which aren't quite as hot as they claim to be. I even gave that topic its own category here on the Jannaverse.

But today, I'd like to present to you this list of hot sauces that sound REALLY GOOD to me. Click on them to learn more:

1. Blair's Sudden Death
2. Possible Side Effects
3. Tongues of Fire
4. Endorphin Rush
5. Da Bomb Ground Zero
6. Vicious Viper
7. Dead Heat
8. Brain Damage
9. Hellfire & Damnation
10. Toxic Waste
11. Shark Bite
12. Dave's Insanity Sauce (I've tried this...it's good!)
And, last but not least....
13. Hog's Ass
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I can hardly wait to try these someday.
They all sound good.
And when was the last time you heard someone say that about a hog's ass?
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The Interview Meme, Revisited!

Back in April, Fab did an interview meme, where he asked people five questions.
I was one of the people he interviewed, and here's what I posted for my answers.

Guess what! He's done it again!
Again I requested the honor of being interviewed by Fab, and he kindly obliged me.

Here is the resulting question-and-answer session:

*** *** ***

1. You have an unusual first name. Have you ever made the aquaintance of anyone else with a similar moniker?

I have never ever met another Jannafer. Or another Janna.


2. Your ability to consume Red Pop is legendary. Do you feel that your obsession with strawberry soda, a beverage that is clearly aimed at small children, is indicitive of a latent female Peter Pan Complex or do you just not know good soda from a hole in the ground?

Ah, I see the flaw in your logic.
Redpop is for kids AND adults.
It's for anyone who loves happy yummy strawberry flavor.
It's for the inner child in all of us!
Which, I suppose, lends credence to your Peter Pan theory.
Will you be my Tinkerbell?
Is that pixie dust on your pants, or are you just happy to see me?


3. Have you put your boobs on the produce scale in the supermarket to see how much they weigh? If not, why not? Aren't you curious to see if they weigh the same amount?

What a great idea!
Maybe Meloncutter can help me get away with this... he works in the produce department, right?


4. If one googles your name, one does not come up with very much. How do we know you are not in the witness protection program?

You don't!
You'll have to take my word for it, just like the grand jury when I testify against the mob and the drug kingpins next month...
Ooops, forget I said that.


5. Ever do any...inserting with that French horn of yours?

Well, there was this time a couple years ago with a REALLY surprised moose up in Canada...
Er, I mean..
No, no, of course not.
Not at all.
Alas, it is far too big to fit in any orifices that actually matter.
Not that I've ever tried.
Never.
And even if I had, there would surely be no 8x10 glossy pictures available in a handsome album, on easy-wipe-clean laminated pages, for the low low price of $29.95.

*** *** ***

That's the interview!

If you want to play too, here are the rules (same as before):

I'll interview the first FIVE people who request it.
If you want to be one of them, do this:
Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”
I will respond by e-mailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions. (Make sure I have your e-mail address).
You will then answer the questions in a blog post of your own.
You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions, and the cycle will repeat forever and ever until the end of time.
Have fun!
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I can neither confirm nor deny....

Last Thursday I posted a list of "Thirteen Things I've Never Received In The Mail."
As of today, that list is no longer accurate!
I got a package in the mail from Fab which contained THREE things on my list.

But I'm not allowed to tell you exactly which three.

Because, after all, I don't have enough to share with everybody. :)
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Manic Monday: Clue

A clue I give
To all of you
My strangest thoughts
Are nothing new
Peculiar waves
Between my ears
For over 37 years
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Senti la musica? Non è bellissima?

As you may have heard, Luciano Pavarotti passed away last week of pancreatic cancer at the age of 71.

Normally I'm not a big fan of opera, but he was the rare exception. I like his voice. I have a 2-CD set of Pavarotti's "Greatest Hits". One CD has opera, the other has non-opera stuff like "Santa Lucia," "Oh Holy Night," and "O Sole Mio".... and his duet with Frank Sinatra, singing "My Way".
Ever since hearing of his death, I've been listening to that 2-CD set in my car.
Much to my surprise, I've found that I prefer the opera CD.

I only wish I could understand what the hell he's saying.

I greatly respect the art from a musical standpoint, but I find that it's a real barrier to appreciation if I can't understand the words that are being sung. I have no idea what the storyline is, or the setting, so I don't know what to picture. I can only get a general sense of the emotional import, like "Oh, this sounds sad" or "This sounds joyful."

For all I know, he's singing "Rats are lovely, my curtains are blue, I really wish my belly button would stop itching, rap music sucks, and I'm really sorry my feet smell like this; I've tried powders and everything."

It would be nice if there was a book that gave a brief synopsis of all major opera storylines, as well as the plot settings for each aria, with translations in English.
If such a book exists, I want it.
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Hey, I didn't necessarily say it would be a GOOD idea....

Games that might be played if Fab ever opens a Day Care & Nursery:

1. Pin the tail on anyone younger than you

2. Who can stick their hand in the rotating fan blades while losing the LEAST amount of fingers?

3. Let's all get zapped up on a sugar binge, and plan a murder spree!

4. Ok, boys and girls, tomorrow you need to bring me everything that's in mommy and daddy's medicine cabinet at home....

5. Bobbing for apples in a vat of bleach

6. Variation #1 on hide-and-seek: Hide and shut up until it's time to go home

7. Variation #2 on hide-and-seek: Hide and hope someone cares enough to look for you. (This is the version I played as a child. It helped me become who I am today!) .... (And... and I turned out just FINE, right?)
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As you can see from Fab's comment section, I also suggested the following playground attractions:

Exploding Bouncy Ball
Surprise Pit O’ Rabid Leopards
Burning Tire Swing
Toxic Waste Sandbox
Carousel of Centrifugal Doom
Alligator Petting Zoo
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Now let's all breathe a collective sigh of relief that I don't actually have any kids of my own and don't ever WANT any! :)
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Something to look forward to

One reason I'm looking forward to autumn is that I like burning scented candles. I know you can do that any time of year, but somehow it makes things seem hotter and more oppressive in the summertime. In the cooler months, though, a lit candle is soothing and refreshing. I love the ambience of a room that is filled with the scent of a fragrant candle.

Plus I get to freak out the neighbors when I dress in long black robes and walk around in the back yard at midnight, carrying a lit candle in front of me, chanting unintelligible things in a low voice.

It's a beautiful thing.
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Awards? Really?

Morgen gave me this Creative Blogger Award, for the graphics I make.


And I got this "You Make Me Smile" award from both Morgen and Fab.

Here's exactly what Fab said about me:
"Janna is a strange girl from Michigan with an odd way of looking at things. And when I say odd I mean…she should probably either be in an institution or out on a ledge somewhere. But it’s the good kind of crazy, in that it makes me smile."
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That's kind of nice, actually.

Thanks, guys. :)
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Thirteen things I have never received in the mail

1. License plate from Vermont
2. Ice sculpture of a buzzard
3. Laptop computer
4. Postcard from Australia
5. Schematics for an anti-gravity generator
6. Pubic hair
7. Fan letter from someone who has been attacked by wild geese
8. Death threats
9. Algae
10. Vial of Johnny Depp's blood
11. An alligator's tooth
12. Burnt toast
13. Card that says "Thank you for stalking me"
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A few rambling thoughts

1) I have to pee. Really bad.
2) Garlic is delicious.
3) My leg is going numb, which should make things interesting in a few minutes when I get up to go to the bathroom.
4) It was over 90 degrees today, which is too damn hot.
5) I'm considering putting a frozen Lean Cuisine dinner in my bra, just to help cool things down. After it's thawed, all I have to do is pop it in the microwave for a couple minutes! Let's see... I have Beef Burgundy.... and Lemongrass Chicken.... and Honey Dijon Chicken..... decisions, decisions...
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P.S. I'm all caught up, responding to your comments. :)
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Things I Did NOT Do On Labor Day

1. Give eggplants to homeless people named Bruce

2. Braid the hair of a yak who is having an identity crisis

3. Mail ten olives to Elton John

4. Eat jello out of my underwear, using a straw

5. Throw cow poop at the graves of your ancestors (I'm nice that way).
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Sometimes the music just hits me....

Monday afternoon I found myself humming some music. I was making it up as I went along, and eventually I had to write it down.
After a few hours it had become a 54-measure-long piece, scored for our entire ensemble.
(Flute, Oboe, Clarinet, Alto Sax, Tenor Sax, Bassoon, Bass Clarinet, Trumpet, French Horn, Euphonium, Trombone, Tuba, Chimes, Glockenspiel, Suspended Cymbal, and Cello.)
What fun!
So I spent all of Monday night printing out the parts. Tuesday afternoon I made copies for everyone, and Tuesday evening I took it to band, where we rehearsed it!
I'm pleased with how it turned out.
With a little tweaking here and there, it's possible we might be able to perform it at one of our concerts.
Cool, huh?
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What I learned today

1. Sometimes Chinese food gives me gas.
2. If I ever need cheap Viagra, there is plenty of e-mail spam just BEGGING to help me out.
3. My Internet connection will be the slowest when I am in a big hurry. It does this on purpose, just to hear what new and creative curse word combinations I can come up with.
4. Cheap deodorant is no match for a two hour long ride in the back of a hot car with weak AC.
5. Mixing #1 with #4 is never a good idea.
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