I really need to stop hurting myself with falling objects.
A few minutes ago in the bathroom I dropped a full bottle of shower gel right on my left foot... right on my toes.
Oh, it didn't break them or anything, but it sure did hurt.
It would be nice if I could wait for one wound to heal before I go and create another.
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Today I'm going to talk about something which might end up being complicated, but maybe not. At the very least, it will be long-winded, and I apologize in advance for that.
There are a few sites out there which will pay you money to blog about specific products & services. PayPerPost is an example of one of those sites.
When I first started blogging, I couldn't understand why someone would want to put ads on their blog. I didn't like it. It annoyed me. I suppose part of me still feels that way, but I've become softened to the idea.
Don't worry, I'm not talking about doing paid posts here at The Jannaverse. Here you can enjoy the clean fresh air of an ad-free environment.
(*inhale*)
(Ahhh! Smells like oranges! No, wait.... pine cones!)
I'm talking about my other blog, over at Jantics. From the very beginning, it was intended to be a blog that would include sponsored posts. To be perfectly honest with you, that's because I'm dead poor and desperately need the money. Desperately. I am dead dirt poor. (And dead dirt is the poorest of all. Any gardener will tell you that).
So, that's why you'll occasionally see PayPerPost ads over at Jantics. I hope this doesn't turn any of you off. Less than half the posts will be paid ads. Most will be stuff that's just like what you read over here. (e.g. bizarre lists, weird cravings, nonsense, with the occasional bit of actual real life).
The Jannaverse will remain ad-free, though part of me sometimes wishes otherwise. That's because The Jannaverse is a PR-4 blog, and is therefore eligible for better opportunities than Jantics, which is currently PR-zero.
(PR stands for "Page Pank". You can check yours by going HERE. Click HERE and HERE if you need that number explained further). The Page Ranks are done by Google, and they're only updated every three months or so. (Sometimes more often, sometimes less, but that seems to be the average, from what I hear). Rumor has it that the next ranking will be done in mid-to-late July.
I really hope that Jantics will then be evaluated as more than a PR-zero. It should be, but then again, I've heard horror stories about sites that have remained at zero-level for a long time, regardless of their links. This scares me, really.
One thing that helps PR to increase is the number of people that have linked to a particular site. The more people that link to you, the better your PR will be.
So, IF you happen to visit Jantics, and IF you like it well enough to return, I would be ever so grateful if you'd consider possibly adding it to your list of links.
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Speaking of links, I updated my blogroll the other day and added a lot of people. (More will probably be added in the future!) I also "floobled" the list so it's collapsible now. This makes the sidebar look a little neater. See the sidebar, where it says "Blogs to Visit"? Click on the plus sign over to the right. That makes the list visible. Cool, huh?
That same list is posted in my sidebar at Jantics, too. There it's called "Friends of The Jannaverse." Plus I ALSO have the same list over at yet another blog I've started recently. So you guys are getting three separate links out of me! Three times the linky goodness.
Doesn't that just give you a warm fuzzy feeling?
Let's hug.
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. - 2. Rush Limbaugh. MORE than enough said. 3. Molasses, molasses cookies, and anything else that pretends molasses is edible. 4. Burning plastic. No, really, I didn't need those lungs for anything special. Go ahead and fill them with deadly toxins as if they were a big pair of whoopie cushions. 5. Lint. It's EVERYWHERE! I think it has covert discussions with the dryer's filter when my back is turned. ("Pssst, hey, buddy, if you'll look the other way there's twenty bucks in it for ya.") 6. Bureaucracy and the mindless people who actually adhere to it as if it means anything. 7. How "Worcester" is actually pronounced "Wooster." WTF? Why, people? Are you TRYING TO screw with us? Even worse, the locals tend to say "Woostah" instead. How can you look at the word "Worcester" and say "Woostah"? Have you even HEARD of "Hooked on Phonics"?? 8. Beverages at room temperature 9. Public speaking and the multitude of zombie eyes peering at you from the abyss, waiting for you to screw up so they can then mob you and eat your flesh, fighting over the tasty parts 10. Shoes that hurt my feet... and feet that just go ahead and hurt on their own 11. Cereal that makes a big deal out of having fiber and bran in it. Why not just go ahead and call it "Colon Cleanser Crunch"? 12. Theoretical thermonuclear physics diagrams 13. Things that break when you drop them. (Examples: glass, eggs, ceramic, porcelain, ice sculptures...) . Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. http://pointless-drivel.com/jantics/ . . |
Today I'm posting two pictures.
One is of Nugget as a puppy, with the 9-or-10 year old Janna.
And one is of Nugget as an adult dog, exhibiting his usual friendly enthusiasm.
He was a good dog, and I miss him.
Some days I felt like he was my only friend in the entire world.
.It's 91 degrees outside, and is over 100 degrees indoors.
I require cooler surroundings, lest I perish.
My brain bears a remarkable resemblance to a sizzling pan of scrambled eggs and bacon.
More so than usual, I mean.
I think it even has a little parsley on top for garnish. Or maybe an orange slice. It's hard to see from here.
And I could make toast by sticking slices of bread under my armpits.
Guess where the sausage links go!
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It's Tuesday!
Please pass the jello to the person on your right, and hold the soap at a 45-degree angle while writing the Russian alphabet on the back of the person to your left. Do not under any circumstances think of a green elephant wearing a powdered wig. When you are done, be sure to say please and thank you.
And please try to love me no matter how difficult it may be.
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Y'know how sometimes you get a song stuck in your head?
Music that just keeps playing the same number of measures over and over and over again?
For me today it's Music For The Royal Fireworks, by George Frederick Handel. I think it's the last movement of the piece. Beautiful stuff with lots of brass instruments.
I've been humming the same sixteen measures all day long.... over and over and over
and
over
and
over.
Don't get me wrong; I love the music, but I wish my brain would move on to other things now! It's been hours of humming the exact same thing.....
Soon I may lose my previously-solid grip on sanity and reality.
I wonder what I'll blog about then?
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The Manic Monday theme for today, according to Morgen, is GRACE.
I try to accept my quirks with grace. Here are some examples:
1) I seem to have forgotten how to fold origami cranes, which makes me want to re-teach myself the art, using taco bell wrappers this time.
2) I am craving pizza... heart shaped pizza. Why heart-shaped? No reason.
3) I am completely unable to appreciate any type of value whatsoever in American Idol. I tried watching it once, and fought the urge to throw a live grenade at the TV. I don't know if I could successfully fight that urge again.
4) I am currently not wearing underwear. Or pants.
5) I would gladly drink a 6-oz glass of tabasco sauce if you paid me twenty bucks.
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For another take on this Manic Monday theme, visit my other blog over at Jantics.
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I am quiet and contemplative today, much the same as if my left elbow had been dunked in mild salsa and left adrift on a raft in calm Caribbean waters.
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Adam, over at Ah Ok Lah, is offering to do a 50 word critique of your blog. Ordinarily he gets paid to review things, but he's doing free blog reviews til the end of July. All you have to do is put up a link to him. Adam actually has a good serious intelligent blog over there, so I admit I’m a little frightened to see what he might think of my own blogs. After all, you guys know how I can be sometimes.
Anyway, I decided to take the plunge. I’ve got my link to Adam here, and I’ve told him to go ahead and rip me to shreds. Er, I mean, I told him to give his honest opinion.
Could be the same thing.
We'll see what he says!
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UPDATE: Here's his review! He discussed both blogs, (Jannaverse and Jantics) in the same post.
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So it's NOT socially acceptable to defrost a leg of lamb by stuffing it into bodily orifices while sunbathing on my front lawn in the nude?
How come I'm always the last to know these things?
I was wearing sunscreen, though; surely that should count for something.
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1) Rhinoceros liver
2) Cabbage
3) Haggis
4) The Declaration Of Independence
5) Time magazine
6) Harry Potter
7) A clock
Desert Songbird had a pleasant surprise for me yesterday; I got a "Rockin' Girl Blogger" award. And she posted this nice review of The Jannaverse!
Ok, everyone.
I have a migraine today and am going to go lay down for awhile.
While I'm gone, please feel free to continue the thread that developed in the last post's comments, regarding toilet paper.
Do you put it with the roll going over the top, or along the back?
Here's my own answer: While I think it's more aesthetically pleasing to have it going over the top, I HAVE to place it with the roll going along the back because otherwise one of my cats will have fun unrolling the whole thing and shredding it to bits. This actually happened more than once, before I finally decided to re-position the roll.
So, how about the rest of you?
Talk amongst yourselves.
I'm going to lay down and hope my migraine goes away.
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Help me out here.
I'm trying to remember the name/artist of a particular song.
I was trying to remember it on the phone a couple hours ago, but my mind is blank.
It's a country song (not my usual genre of choice, BTW).
The vocalist is male (At first I thought it was Toby Keith, but when I did an extensive search for lyrics, nothing came up that fit the song I'm looking for).
The song is about this guy who happens to meet up with this lady he knew a long time ago. When he knew her before, in school, she was a real nerd with red hair and horn-rimmed glasses. Now, when he sees her, she's a real knockout. She's gorgeous, her long red hair is beautiful, and she's a model. She's married with some kids of her own. I think the guy meets her while they're both taking their kids to school or something. He sees her there in her sweet-looking car (a convertible, maybe?), and the song ends with her driving away after they've caught up on old times. He tells her he's got a career singing songs she's probably heard on the radio, and the two of them reminisce about old times and muse about how much their lives have changed. Her name starts with a "C", I think. Maybe "C-A".... and I'm pretty sure her name is the title of the song. I think the song is maybe 8 years old by now.
Are any of you familiar with country music?
Have you any idea what I'm talking about?
Can any of you shed some light on what this song is?
Please help me, before I go completely insane trying to remember.
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UPDATE: The song is CARLENE, by Phil Vassar! Thank you, Fab, for figuring it out!!!
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In my quest to be further educated on the ketchup experiment, I did some research.
HERE's a TivoCommunity discussion on the topic....
This page at About.com says to refrigerate it.
HERE's another little discussion board which talks about it.
And yet another! Wow, a lot of people really care about this!
THIS discussion group seems to be full of older people who are of the opinion that "We never refrigerated that stuff when I was a kid, so of course it's fine to leave it in the cupboard."
However, THIS article, from KitchenSavvy, explains that while it might have been ok to leave the ketchup in the cupboard back in the olden days, it isn't necessarily safe to do nowadays.
Fascinating.
So I still really don't know whether I'm cheating death or not... but it's starting to look suspicious!
Lunch: Corn dog with Ore-Ida fries... and ketchup!
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1. Write music. 2. Write poetry. 3. Write a novel. 4. Warn humanity about the giant comet that's going to crash into Nebraska next week. 5. Sculpt something from polymer clay. 6. Write a letter. 7. Buy some gummi bears. 8. Explain the Pythagorean Theorem to my cats. 9. Find cure for all the world's diseases except strep throat. (Hey, people still need SOME excuse for calling in sick to work)... 10. Beg someone to bake cookies for me. 11. Read more blogs. 12. Discover complex mathematical equation which explains the brain wave patterns of people who name their children "Sanjaya". 13. Warn Kansas that a fragment of the comet might end up hitting them as well. . . Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. http://pointless-drivel.com/jantics/ 2. http://morgenfiles.blogspot.com 3. http://themoshow2.blogspot.com . . |
1. If I ever date a cowboy, I hope his name is Steve.
2. Go ahead and shoot me; I don't have any money to give you anyway.
3. These peanut butter cookies are drugged.
4. But WHY can't they invent plaid jello?
5. Who are you and what happened to my underwear?I got tagged by Metalmom, so today I'll be doing this meme.
I have to list 6 weird things that I do to go to sleep or while I’m asleep.
1. I always have to start out laying on my back, even though I rarely end up in that position.
2. I have to have a rolled-up towel behind my neck, or else the lack of support will leave me more prone to migraines.
3. I can't sleep well with music in the background. It's too distracting and the "musician" part of my brain starts analyzing it.
4. I have to have a pad of paper and a pen next to the bed, in case I get any great blogging/writing ideas I need to write down. Sometimes my best poems are written when I should have been sleeping.
5. I guess sometimes I snore... when that happens, I have weird dreams that I'm trying to talk but can't... in those dreams, whenever I try to say something, this weird honking noise comes out of my mouth instead.
6. Usually I have terrible insomnia. I can easily lay there for over an hour before I finally fall asleep. During that time I just can't shut my mind "off". I replay past conversations and wonder what I could have said differently. I imagine interesting potential scenarios for the future and think of different outcomes. I fantasize about things. My mind is unhushable. It doesn't know when to quiet down.
I'm tagging Morgen and Lee.
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Last night I began the ketchup consumption process which may lead to my untimely death in a few months.
Isn't this exciting???
Bluepaintred sent me some pictures of HER ketchup bottle, which DOES say to refrigerate after opening. At first I thought it was going to be some freaky weird Canadian brand of ketchup, but no, it's Heinz-- the same brand I'M using!! So this will be interesting!
Here's what she sent (note: I cropped/shrank the pictures because they were huge, but rest assured that this really was on the bottle!)
First of all, I want to say that if I die of botulism or some such thing, it's all Fab's fault.
It all started when I was reading through his archives and I noticed THIS post. He writes about the same topic HERE as well.
Fab says that it makes no sense to refrigerate ketchup. Since ketchup goes on hot foods like french fries and burgers, it shouldn't start out ice cold or it will ruin the temperature of the food, bringing it to an unpleasant tepidness before it can be enjoyed by the person who plans to eat it.
He pointed out that nowhere on the bottle does it say "Refrigerate After Opening." Other condiments have that instruction, but not ketchup.
I'd never really thought about it before reading the post, but he's right. I've looked at a lot of ketchup labels since then, and NONE of them have said that refrigeration is required. And plenty of restaurants have ketchup bottles sitting out on the tables all day long.
So, I bought a brand new bottle of Heinz ketchup last week and am going to spend the rest of the summer trying an experiment.
After I open it, I am NOT going to refrigerate it. I'll just leave it out in this godawful hot Michigan summer, with all this skanky humidity and ovenlike misery. It will be whatever the room temperature happens to be. Over the course of the summer, I will gradually consume more and more of it, until I'm dead by August.
No! Wait! What I meant to say is, until it's all gone, at which point I will have proven that it is indeed NOT necessary to refrigerate ketchup.
But, yeah, um, if I die a horrible agonizing death, blame Fab.
Stay tuned for updates!
And my apologies to Aisby and Onionboy, both of whom hate ketchup and probably got violently ill while reading this post.
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On my way home yesterday, as I was driving through Coldwater, Mich, I saw that one of the bank thermometers said it was 100 degrees.
It's always cooler out where Lee and Morgen live, because they're closer to Lake Michigan. Even though they're not right on the lake, they're close enough to benefit from whatever meteorological difference that makes.
The closer I got to home yesterday, the hotter the thermometers got. When I saw the hundred degree one, I just about cried.... because I knew it would be even hotter indoors.
This is just way too hot for me.
Can't someone put me in suspended animation until October?
If animals can hibernate in the winter, can't I hibernate in the summer?
Just pump me full of some temporary coma-inducing drug and toss me in a meat locker somewhere.
Please make sure I'll be able to breathe.
Or maybe I can do a time-share with some grizzly bear out there. We can go halfsies on a nice cave somewhere. I'll hibernate there in the summer, and he can do the same in the winter! And hopefully we can work out some sort of arrangement where he agrees not to eat me.
I'm still working out the details.
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I'm back!
I had a lovely time with Morgen and Lee in the blissful oasis of Air Conditioning. I'm back in the abyss of naked sweatiness now, though I'll be suffering a little less because they gave me a nice new fan to put right next to me while I'm on the computer. It's blowing on me, full blast, right now.
Actually, I got home yesterday evening, in hopes of listening to Fab's radio show, and either IM'ing or calling in. Plus i missed my blog. :)
So imagine my IMMENSE disgruntlement when I got home and turned on the computer, only to find that my ISP's server was down AGAIN, and I had no internet connection. It was cruel and unusual punishment, I tell you.
The connection was down all evening, all night, and part of this morning too. I couldn't visit any websites or blogs, and I couldn't e-mail anyone either.
It's not a pretty sight, me, rolling naked on the floor while foaming at the mouth and ripping my hair out, screaming curses at the dead ancestors of my ISP provider.
But at least it seems to be fixed now.
And my hair will grow back eventually.
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I got an e-mail from my friend Lee this morning... he and Morgen have been reading my blog and noticing how much I've been suffering in this heat.
So, as a super-cool surprise, on super short notice, Lee spontaneously asked if I'd like to come stay with them for the weekend!!
Is that great or what?
I'm going to be around AC for the next couple days!
This means I may not be around the blogosphere, unfortunately, so lemme apologize profusely to the one or two people out there who will actually notice enough to miss me. :)
If you're aching for something to read, go back and re-read the story about how I accidentally flashed my boobs at the police dude. I'll never live that down.
And if you're STILL aching for something to read.... you can check out the BLOG that Lee just started this week! Yes, my dear friend Lee has joined the blogosphere. I'm glad. I think he'll like it. Also, you can check out Morgen's blog! Leave them a nice note thanking them for taking care of hot sweaty people named Janna.
I'm leaving in a couple hours.....
...and I'll be back in a couple days! :)
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Ok, I was debating whether or not to tell you all about this, because it's embarrassing and it involves semi-public display of my boobs, but what the heck. Enjoy, I guess.
Yesterday evening I was so sick of this ungodly heat that I simply HAD to get in the car and drive somewhere with the AC cranked up full blast.
So far, so good, right?
I got in the car, cranked up the AC, and started driving down the road, on my way toward town. The cool air felt really good, and to maximize its full benefit, I sorta pulled up my shirt, exposing my bare skin to the ecstasy of the AC blast.
Now, yes, I would like to state for the court that I WAS indeed wearing a bra. (In fact, it was one of those spandex bras with a fun summery print on it... they're so comfy... I LOVE THEM) But... well, if you've met me in person, you know that I've gotta lotta boobage. My cleavage runneth over. So it's not like my entire chest was 100% covered.
Anyway, I was driving into town, just before reaching the "village limits" sign. I realized that pretty soon I'd be in the residential area and would probably have to pull my shirt down......
I slowed down for the 25mph zone which was coming up.....
Just then I passed a car which was parked at the side of the road.
With my shirt pulled up.
And my cleavage hanging out.
And it was a cop car.
With a cop in it.
He was probably parked there looking for speeders. I wasn't speeding, but, well, I was kinda hanging out there in a less-than-G-Rated fashion.
I wondered if he would stop me.
....He didn't!
He just let me drive right on by....
And as soon as the shock wore off, I quickly pulled my shirt down.
I'd hand-deliver a thank-you note to the cop, but something tells me he wouldn't remember my FACE anyway.... LOL!
Actually it was kind of exhilarating, in a sweaty bad girl kind of way....
But I digress.
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1. Kick a Panda 2. Eat barley 3. Find the love of my life 4. Buy super glue 5. Throw ravioli at people's tires 6. Buy land in Costa Rica 7. Get the bird flu 8. Shave my head 9. Speak Portugese 10. Drink vodka 11. Play backgammon 12. Hit a pinata full of termites 13. Invent car that runs on urine |
It is 93 degrees out there today.
Which means it's at least 103 indoors.
And that's not even counting the heat index.
I had a big icy cup of lemonade awhile ago... I think I need to just hook up an I.V. and shoot icy beverages right into my bloodstream.
And if I'm feeling adventurous I can try stuffing ice cubes into various bodily orifices.
I am about ready to stick a frozen burrito in my bra just for the cold rush.
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I was at the store awhile ago and happened to be there at the same time as a mom and her VERY poorly-behaved boy. The kid looked like he was maybe 3 or 4, and all he did was CRY. The spoiled bratty "You'd better do exactly what I want or I'm going to make a scene and embarrass you" kind of crying. And whenever he didn't get his way, that's exactly what he did. Loudly. Everyone in the whole store could hear him. His poor, poor mother was just about at the end of her rope.
Seriously, the kid needed a good solid spanking.
But so many parents are afraid to spank their kids in public nowadays because they're worried what other people will think. As if it's somehow considered bad parenting to discipline your child. Things used to be exactly the opposite. You were a bad parent if you allowed your kid to make scenes like that in public.
This kid I saw today, he was really horrible. I would have been ashamed if he'd been mine. He was a rotten little hellion. He really, really needed a spanking.
Bless her heart, "mom" was trying to reason with him, using all that reinforcement psychobabble bullshit about how she wasn't going to reward bad behavior by giving him whatever he wanted. (Which is good advice as far as it goes, but this kid was NOT one you could just reason with. He refused to listen, he refused to behave no matter WHAT his mom said. He was belligerent and, I'll say it again, he needed a spanking!!) I was at least proud of her for not caving in to his little terrorist demands just to make him be quiet. She held her ground. This, of course, only made him continue crying to try to get sympathy from everyone else in the store. Constant crying, loudly, with occasional pauses for breaths. Just to punish mom for not doing exactly what he commanded.
She was so embarrassed, clearly trying to get her shopping done as quickly as possible to just hurry up and get the hell out of there.
Kids like this should be herded up and shipped to islands where there are lots of hungry cannibals. Hey, if you're already over there on the island, just gather up a couple two-year-olds; it'll be the cannibal equivalent of having Cornish game hens for dinner.
I hear they go well with cranberry sauce.
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I wonder how many other languages have words for "Bubble Wrap".
When aspirin powder is made into tablets, what holds it together in pill form? Glue? Magic? Happy thoughts?
I seem to get a lot of e-mail spam asking me if I want moles and warts removed. Am I on some kind of "But She Has A Nice Personality" list?
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After reading the comments to my previous post, I feel I must explain my unique circumstances involving the bird crap on my windshield.
The windshield wiper on the driver's side is wearing away and doesn't wipe anything away. It'll wipe rain away, but often there's a thick streak left behind, in an arc, RIGHT where I have to look when I'm driving.
Coincidentally, this happens to also be the exact location of the bird crap.
So no amount of windshield wipering will scrape it away.
That's why I'm going to the car wash tonight. It's a self-serve one; I'll be taking the little spray-nozzle thingy and soaking everything down before I scrape Tweety's crap away with a squeegee.
Whew! I'm all caught up with my comment-responses. I answered everyone! Sorry it took me longer than usual.
Today I am craving pizza.
I had a headache earlier today, but it's going away! Thank goodness. Now I can enjoy Fab's radio show in a few minutes...
When I am 80 and drooling and unable to remember my middle name, I will still remember the Pythagorean Theorem. It will do me no good at that point, but I will remember it.
It rained for a few days, then it stopped.... and as soon as it stopped, a bird crapped on my windshield, right where I have to look. It hasn't rained since, so if I want the bird crap gone, I'm going to have to go to the car wash. As soon as I do that, THEN it will rain. Then when the rain stops, another bird will crap on my windshield. It's part of the circle of life. Disney didn't really talk about that in The Lion King, but it's totally true.
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(Don't read if you're eating or squeamish)
I haven't really posted an update on my leg lately, so for any of you who are curious, here's the latest: It's not healed all the way, but the wound has shrunk down to the size of a Cheerio. The surrounding area is still discolored, and the discoloration is an oval about 10x4 inches. (That's the part that was previously so red and swollen and painful when it was infected with cellulitis) It doesn't hurt at all now, though. It hasn't hurt for a LONG time. And the skin lightens a little each day. I may always have a scar, but I think eventually my leg will be 99% back to its previous questionable glory. I do still have to bandage it, because it still drains a lot of fluid. Any bandaid I put on it gets soaked in an hour or two. That'll stop when the wound finally closes up, though.
Part of the problem is that my legs are always swollen and edemic this time of year. I retain fluid in my legs really badly. It's yet another reason why I hate summer. So all that fluid has nowhere else to go, and it kinda drips out the big hole in my leg.
Ew. That was gross. Sorry for the mental image there.
Go back to thinking about flowers and kittens and rainbows.
Now, who wants a bowl of Cheerios?
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Meloncutter did this meme a few days ago and I decided to tag myself with it. It's a list of 35 things to answer, but the catch is that your answer can only be ONE WORD. No elaboration or descriptions or exceptions. Only one word. No more.
This is tough for me, since I can be rather verbose about things sometimes.
But today I crave just such a challenge.
Here goes:
ONE WORD ANSWER
1. Where is your cell phone? Car
2. Relationship? None
3. Your hair? Ponytail
4. Work? Inadequate
5. Your sister? Nonexistent
6. Your favorite thing? Creativity
7. Your dream last night? Bad
8. Your favorite drink? Carbonated
9. Your dream car? Reatta
10. The room you’re in? Hot
11. Your shoes? Sandals
12. Your fear? Invertebrates
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? Loved
14. Who did you hang out with this weekend? Alone
15. What you’re not good at? HTML
16. Muffin? Blueberry
17. One of your wish list items? Pelikan
18. Where you grew up? Michigan
19. The last thing you did? Scratch
20. What are you wearing? DNA
21. What aren’t you wearing? Earrings
22. Your pet? Cats
23. Your computer? Obsolete
24. Your life? Quicksand
25. Your mood? Agitated
26. Missing? Lover
27. What are you thinking about right now? Pizza
28. Your car? Runs
29. Your kitchen? Hot
30. Your summer? Hot
31. Your favorite color? Varies
32. Last time you laughed? Insanity
33. Last time you cried? Unrequited
34. School? Unpleasant
35. Love? Who?
I Tag: None.
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There's only silence at first
In the chambers of mind
Hardly fearing the worst
When he comes up behind
You will know you are cursed
All too late you will find
Sharpened blades full of thirst
And rough rope meant to bind
He will squeeze til you burst
He will slash away blind
Watch your blood get dispersed
You're the third one they'll find
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I am so tired I seem to have forgotten what words and sentences are.
Maybe I should go to bed, and then when I wake up I can re-familiarize myself with this "English Language" I've heard so much about.
So lemme get this straight.... "zxfccv" ISN'T a word?
Just checking.
'Cuz at 4:30 in the morning it looks about as logical as anything else out there.
Let me introduce you to three people who live in Florida.
THIS GUY dressed in drag, stalked one of his neighbors, and peed on her porch.
THIS GUY decided that the best thing to do after gay sex is to try killing the other person with construction machinery.
THIS GUY was a city worker who, during his spare time, appeared in a video where ants crawled all over his genitalia... and the videos appeared on a website called "Bubba The Love Sponge".
Now, where's my plane ticket....
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This post is dedicated to Edwin Traisman, who died on Tuesday.
He's the guy who helped invent Cheez Whiz and McDonalds' french fries.
Read about it HERE.
Yes, he died of a heart attack, but he'd lived to the ripe old age of 91, so I doubt the fattening food had anything to do with his demise.
Go out there and commemorate him by ordering a super-size fries and dunking them in a big jar of Cheez Whiz.
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This just in: Canadians have green blood!
Well, at least THIS ONE did.
Go read the article. This guy was taking a type of migraine medicine in particularly LARGE doses each and every day, and it made his blood dark green. It caused a rare condition known as sulfhaemoglobinaemia.
So now the secret is out: Mr. Spock was from Canada!
Or he had a lot of migraines.
Or something like that.
Hey, it's too hot to think.
What do you want from me.
Downtown Hillsdale is all torn up with construction zones. They're re-doing the streets and it seems like you can't drive anywhere without seeing a bunch of orange barrels, chunks of torn up asphalt, and redirected traffic. Especially in the middle of the day, things are a mess. This afternoon around 5:00 I was there, waiting waiting waiting for traffic to move, when I realized my gas tank was almost empty. And I do mean empty. The needle was right ON the "E". Luckily I made it to a gas station in time.
But imagine how annoying it would have been for everyone if I'd run out of gas right then and there, holding up even more traffic. If ever there was a time to go ballistic and start hurling explosives at strangers, that would be it.
Does anyone have any explosives I can borrow?
You know, in case it happens again.
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Sort of a sequel to my earlier post...
Some old empty bottles
A yak you can rent
Some forks that are tarnished
A letter unsent
A rusty old pitchfork
Impaled through a lung
A ladder with only
The bottommost rung
An old contact lens
On a filthy dead bird
A Mercedes-Benz
And an elephant turd
All floating around
In my crazy old head
It may someday escape
Probably after I'm dead
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My head is empty today.
No, wait.... almost empty.
Here are five things I just found floating around where my brain used to be:
1) Half a saltine cracker
2) Tacky souvenir keychain from Ohio
3) Eyelash
4) Dehydrated apricot
5) Dead "AA" battery
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Today is International "Blogging For Peace" day, (or something like that.) So here I am, adding my signature to the same picture everyone else is posting. If we suddenly find ourselves in a state of complete stress-free bliss and all wars cease to exist, I want partial credit.
I wonder if there's a way to kill someone with styrofoam packing and bubble wrap.
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Doritos has this new thing where you try their new flavor and you have to come up with a name for it. Right now they call it "X-13-D".
Here's an article about it.
Lee, Morgen, and I all decided to give it a try Friday night. We opened the bag and tried them at the same time.
Morgen hated them. The look on his face when he smelled them was as if one of us had farted.
Lee thought they were ok.
I actually liked them.
As for the flavor, Lee and I both agreed that they taste exactly like Burger King cheeseburgers.
Morgen said they reminded him more of the Donner Party. He finally decided that the name should be "Cow Chips".
LOL.
Seriously, they taste like cheeseburgers.
If you could magically powderize a cheeseburger and fuse it onto a tortilla chip, that's what these are.
They're weird, which is why I like them. :)
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1) Played Scrabble with Lee while Morgen was at work
2) Watched an episode of Firefly on DVD
3) Learned a new solitaire game called "Gaps"
4) Had some delicious orange chicken and rice
5) Watched a Bond movie ("Dr. No")
6) Had some yummy blueberry pie
7) Played poker ("Texas Hold 'Em") with Morgen and Lee. I started out doing really, really badly. I had sort of a comeback in the end, but I think it's safe to say that the real winner was Morgen.
8) Played Yahtzee
9) Watched some episodes of Star Trek: Voyager on DVD
10) Watched an episode of Hitchcock on DVD
11) Had some delicious alfredo penne with chicken
12) Drank lots of Sierra Mist and didn't get hit with any bottles at all!
13) Watched an episode of Sherlock Holmes
14) Read more of my Jack The Ripper book
15) Ate black cherry ice cream :)
16) Watched Galaxy Quest on DVD
17) Did some crossword puzzles
18) Enjoyed every single breath of air conditioning
19) Ate squares of minty Ghiradelli chocolate
20) Drank lots of water and peed a lot
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Words of wisdom:
"I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours."
--Rita Rudner
"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives."
--Rita Rudner
I'm back from Hartford.
I had a nice time, surrounded by air conditioning and good friends and air conditioning and yummy food and air conditioning.
Now I'm home, back on my own computer, with my own cats, ready to open my own fridge/freezer and think of something for dinner.
I missed all of you.
I'm going to pretend that you all missed me too. :)
