It's too hot to think of a title for this post

It was 92 degrees outdoors today.
Ninety-Two.
And, since I have no air conditioning, it's always at least ten degrees hotter indoors during the summer.
That means it had to have been at LEAST 102 in here.
And it sure felt like it.
It's so hot that candle wax is soft and pliable, like clay.
I kid you not.
It's almost 11:00 at night, and it's STILL so hot that sweat is dripping down my face.

This is exactly why I hate summer.

It's also why I'm so grateful that Lee and Morgen are having me over for a few days. They have air conditioning. Bless them, they have air conditioning!!!
Perhaps a wealthy air-conditioned family will adopt me someday and let me live out in their comfy air-conditioned backyard shed...
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The absence of Janna

I will be gone from Thursday morning through Sunday afternoon. (Visiting Lee and Morgen for a few days).
So you needn't worry that I'm laying dead in a ditch somewhere, or that I've spontaneously developed amnesia and am aimlessly wandering through soybean fields trying to make friends with anyone who calls me "Myrtle."
After all, it's Myrtle who's laying dead in the ditch.
Not that I had anything to do with it.

Ooooh, something shiny!

I really like aluminum foil.
A lot.
Especially the "heavy duty" kind.
But only when it's brand new, a perfect undented sheet, freshly unrolled. It's like a blank canvas, ready and waiting for whatever I plan to do with it.

Maybe I will line a cookie sheet and make some double chocolate chip cookies.

Maybe I will try really hard to see my reflection in the shiny side, and wonder if my reflection is upset that it's about to be stuck in the oven for 20 minutes at 400 degrees.

Maybe I will wrap a bratwurst in it and see how well it gets cooked if I leave it in my car all day.

Maybe I will make a helmet to keep the aliens from reading my thoughts.

Or I can roll it into a ball and use it to scratch my armpits.

The possibilities are endless.
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Good to know

My Black Thumb

All the plants in my house are fake.

This is because real plants have some sort of suicide pact amongst themselves, should they ever find themselves in my care.

It doesn't take long, either. Within days they will start to look sick and sad. Within a week or two they are almost always on their deathbed. This happens no matter how much water I do (or don't) give them, how much sunlight they do (or don't) get, or how much I do (or don't) end up bludgeoning them with sledgehammers.

It's sad, really.

'Cause I love plants.

I love this joke

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well," He said, "You can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked.

"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
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Manic Monday: Red

One of the few things I like about summer is the fresh berries. I especially love blueberries and black raspberries, but since today's MM theme is "Red", I found a picture of black and red raspberries, co-mingling together in a big orgy of berry love.
Yum.
They're so good. And it's discouraging when people try to freeze them to save them for later. You really can't do that with berries. I mean, you CAN, but most of the flavor and texture gets ruined that way. People try fixing the problem by adding a bunch of sugar to the berries when they thaw out, but it's just not the same. Fresh is best.
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Sitting shiva for a groundhog

I live out in the country.
I'm surrounded by farms and cornfields and animals of numerous kinds.
A few days ago, when my dad came over to mow my lawn, he said I have a woodchuck (or a groundhog or whatever) that's burrowing and doing potential damage to the insulation. (He's convinced that those creatures eat insulation off of water pipes.)
So, this afternoon, he came over to set a trap right at the edge of the burrow-hole.
I really wasn't comfortable with the idea, since I hate the thought of animals getting caught in those things. It's similar to a steel trap, with two sides that powerfully CLAMP onto the animal that triggers it.
Ouch.
Then he and mom left, instructing me to check the trap every so often.
This evening, shortly after I finished listening to Fab's radio show, I heard strange thumping sounds. It dawned on me that it might be an animal caught in the trap.
I went out to check....
And yes.
That's what it was.
A big groundhog was struggling fiercely, with one hind leg caught in the trap.
Poor guy.
I called dad, who said he'd be right over.
In the meantime, unsure of what to do while I waited, I sat there and kept an eye on the poor creature. He was going to die pretty soon, and he might have known that. He'd rest for awhile, breathing erratically, then he'd struggle with all his might, then he'd rest, then he'd struggle...
It was awful.
I wondered if perhaps he'd break loose, since it was just his hind leg that was caught. But no, he stayed clamped in there until mom and dad arrived. Dad brought his gun and immediately shot the groundhog.
I've never been that close to a gunshot before.
Damn, it was loud.

Then, after he was sure it was dead, he took the animal out of the trap. My neighbor came over to help (and to chat about all the animals HE's killed). The groundhog got thrown in the field across the road, dad and the neighbor talked for awhile, then everyone went home.
And here I am, blogging about it.

Math problem for today

If the number of raindrops hitting my roof right now is greater than 5000, and the number of molecules in my right ventricle is less than infinity but greater than twelve, then how many miles of spaghetti could fit in the trunk of my car?

Why do I blog?

I got a very nice e-mail today from a reader (apparently a non-blogger) who asked some interesting questions about the psychology/philosophy of blogging.
And, last week I got tagged with a meme by VinnieG, in which I must explain five different reasons why I blog.
I'm going to kill two birds with one stone here, and post this explanation:

I started blogging because Morgen talked me into it. I've always loved to write long letters to friends, and it seemed logical to Morgen that blogging would be a great hobby for me. At first I didn't like the idea; I somehow thought that people would be plagiarizing my stuff, taking any good ideas I had and claiming them as their own.
But I ended up trying it anyway. My first post was in August 2006, and I've grown to love blogging more and more since then. It's a great catharsis during stressful times. And of course it's a fun way to display my craziness. :)

I've grown reasonably comfortable with the idea of people I've never met reading what I write. I don't think I have a particularly large readership, at least not compared to some of the other highly-trafficked blogs out there. So I'm comfortable thinking of my blog as a comfy cozy living room where all my cyber-friends can meet and read my stuff while they munch on yummy snacks and drink refreshing beverages. I like the informality of it all. People stop by, they read, they comment if they want to, and that's that.
They DO feel like my virtual neighbors.
It's really kind of nice.

Five reasons why I blog:

1) I love having a forum where I can be as nutty as I want, as much as I want!
2) I love knowing that at least SOME people like my stuff enough to keep coming back for more. It helps make me feel better, during moments of self-doubt.
3) I need the emotional outlet, when I am having a lousy day.
4) The daily practice helps me to write more effectively.
5) I value the friends I've met online through blogging, and I want to keep "talking" to them through this venue.
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Paintings I'd like to do...

...If I actually was a decent painter, that is. I've always wanted to take a class and really learn how to properly paint on canvas. Here are some pieces of art I wish I could create with that medium:

1) Portrait of all the bloggers I know, collapsed in one big heap on top of each other.

2) Serene forest scene with mist and trees and a mid-forest pond.... with the following elements hidden in various spots:
a) A "No Smoking" sign
b) Wadded-up Superman cape
c) Bottle of ketchup

3) A portrait of my friend Morgen, dressed up as the Tin Man from The Wizard Of Oz.

4) Self-portrait: Me, laying dead on the sidewalk, with annoyed pedestrians stepping over my crumpled body.

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Any day now....

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http://www.deathclock.com/

If I claim to be "normal", my death date will be Thursday, March 25, 2038.

If I say I'm sadistic, it tells me my time is up and I should already be dead.

Maybe I should be.

How about the rest of you?
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New Banner and Background

I decided to change things again...
Wanted a new look.
I hope you like it.

My leg must really hate me by now

Last night I went to Mom's house for dinner. We had the most delicious tacos on the planet.
But I accidentally dropped a plate... and since Mom uses REAL plates (unlike my conviction to stick with disposable ones), the plate shattered. And some of it hit my leg.
My bad leg. About four inches above the infamous soda-bottle wound. (Which still hasn't healed completely, by the way).
It didn't even hurt, and I didn't even notice it at first because there wasn't really a big gash, just a nick...
Then after I picked up the broken bits of plate and threw them away, I felt something dripping down my leg. I looked down and there was blood!
Mom handed me a paper towel and said "Here, wipe your DNA on this."
(See where I get my quirkiness from?)

Little Red Corvette

Ok, actually it was a little red Chevy Cavalier.

I had it a few years ago… maybe 6 years ago?

There’s a rumor that cops give more speeding tickets to drivers of RED cars than any other color. I am living proof that this is true. That Cavalier was the only red car I have ever owned. I drove it the same way I’ve driven any other car I’ve had.

And yet I got so many speeding tickets with it that the State sent me a letter, saying that if I got one more ticket I would lose my license.

Eventually I moved on to a different car (I get hand-me-down vehicles from my parents), and like magic the tickets stopped. I haven’t had a red car since then, and I haven’t had a speeding ticket since then.

Stupid cops.
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How to make me laugh, if you're too lazy to tell a joke

The word “Mart” always cracks me up. It just sounds so absurd to me, when uttered all by itself.
Mart! ...LOL!
Say the word “Mart” ten times and try not to laugh.
I can’t do it.
Mart!
Monosyllabic comedy gold.
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Someone please douse me with ice water

It is sunny and 84 degrees here today.
I am dying.
I am sweating, and not in a good "let's shower together so we can soap each other up and writhe in ecstasy as the water cascades over our naked bodies" kind of way.
84 is too hot.
I miss winter.
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Contest Results

The contest is over and I have the results!
This one was exciting because.... well, you'll see.

First, here are the answers:

1. When I had my wisdom teeth out, I was most upset about the fact that I couldn't chew Doritos for awhile afterward.
FALSE: I have never had my wisdom teeth out.

2. Growing up, I had a crush on Arnold Horshack from Welcome Back Kotter.
TRUE: I love the cutesy nerdy dorky types. What can I say.

3. When I was 10 years old, I had a pet rock named "Hoople".
FALSE: When I was 10, I had a Golden Retriever named "Nugget". I have never had a pet rock named Hoople. As far as I can remember, my only childhood pet rocks (that I actually named) were Ironton and Cubeta.

4. I hate fishing.
FALSE: I love fishing as long as I get to use NON-worm bait. Crickets work well. Really it's quite relaxing to sit there in the boat (or the pier, wherever) waiting for the fish to bite. I love the moment when the bobber begins to twitch and you know something's trying to take a bite! Back in my teens and twenties, I'd go fishing with my grandparents in some of the nearby Michigan lakes. It was a lot of fun. We'd catch bluegill and perch and sunfish. Grampa taught me how to scale them and cut their heads & tails off, slice their little bellies open, take out all their guts... then Gramma would fry them up for dinner. Ahhh. Good times.

5. My 5th grade teacher was Mrs. Amsbaugh.
FALSE: My 5th grade teacher was Mrs. Roberts. Mrs. Amsbaugh had the class next door to us.

6. I love putting just a little bit of salt on my watermelon.
FALSE: My mother loves it this way. So did my grandfather. I've tried it, but would much rather have my watermelon plain.

7. I have never even tried to play a violin.
FALSE: In college, I took a string methods class where we learned the bare basics of the four main stringed instruments of the orchestra (violin, viola, cello, bass). I did get the chance to hold a violin and play a few notes. I don't remember anything about it now, though.

8. I hate doing dishes so much that I ONLY use disposable plates.
TRUE: I Hate. Doing. Dishes. Hate it. Hate. It.

9. I have a grandmother and a cousin, both of whom have "Feldra" as a first name.
TRUE.

10. My middle name is the same as my grandmother's.
TRUE: The middle name is EleNora.

11. I have no clue how to change a tire.
FALSE: I can do it. And I actually had to, a couple times, back in my college days. I still remember how, I think... I just don't remember how to work the jack. If I could figure that part of it out again, I think the rest would be easy.

12. I have never been to a football game, either high school, college, or professional.
FALSE: In high school (and even during my first year of college), I went when I had to, for marching band. To this day, I have no clue how the game is played. I understand none of the rules, and it's frustrating that they keep stopping all the time. I have no clue what a "First Down" is. No. Clue. At. All.

13. I wish my eyes were green.
TRUE: Brown is so plain. *sigh*. I don't want to be plain....

14. I would love to drive across the country, just to see the sights and be free..
FALSE: I would worry too much about my car breaking down. I've been brainwashed by my parents that if I drive long distances, I am tempting fate and my car will break down. Thus I feel guilty everytime I drive more than a couple hours away from home. (Yet my parents think nothing of driving long distances themselves....Hmmmm....)

15. I think it would be cool to pet one of those giant anaconda snakes.
TRUE: As long as someone's keeping an eye on the head section so I don't get bitten or squeezed or swallowed, heck yeah, I'd love to run a hand up and down its wicked scaly belly! That would be so cool!

16. I have actually eaten rattlesnake meat before.
FALSE: My mother has tried it, but I haven't. She said it tasted like chicken. (Big surprise there). I'd give it a try if it was offered to me, sure, why not?

17. I wear size 11 shoes.
FALSE: Actually my optimum size is 9 and a half, WW. (Also known as "EE"). That's super-uber-wide width. But it's hard to find WW widths anyplace other than a special catalog. So often I have to compromise and just take size 10-W so I can get close to the width I need. This means often my shoes are too long for my feet, and too narrow at the same time. It's a pleasant luxury when I can afford shoes that properly fit my feet. Size 11 is almost always way too big, though.... it looks like clown shoes on me.

18. I still have one of my baby teeth in my mouth.
TRUE! It's my upper left cuspid. The baby tooth never came out. The dentist x-rayed it once, and the adult tooth is still there in the roof of my mouth, but it's not positioned correctly, so it never pushed the baby tooth out like it was supposed to. If I push my tongue against the roof of my mouth, I can sorta feel how one side is a little thicker than the other, right in that spot where the adult tooth is indefinitely waiting.

19. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 20.
TRUE: *sigh*. Not sure what to say about that....

20. I worked at McDonalds for three days.
TRUE: I hated it. I was in my late teens/early twenties, I think. McDonalds was a horrible job. Hated the uniform, hated the work, hated the false cheeriness, hated the weird cartoonish childish training videos, hated everything about it. They wouldn't let me take breaks for my lunch, despite the fact that they were legally supposed to. After three days I said the hell with it.


Now let's find out how everyone did.
There were 12 people who entered.

There was a four-way tie for 6th place, with the following people getting 7 answers right: Mr. Fab, Matt-man, Cincy Diva, and Turnbaby.

Next, in 5th place with 9 answers right, was Michael.

Then there was a tie for 4th place, with Lynda and Bobbarama both getting 10 answers right.

In 3rd place was Wayne, with 11 correct answers.

Then there was a tie for 2nd place, between Morgen and Steve. Both had 12 correct answers.

And.... (drum roll, please)... there was a tie for first place, with Lee and Onionboy both getting 13 answers right!

Lee is one of my very best friends who has known me for almost 20 years. We went to college together and have been through a lot of stuff. Lee really KNOWS me, so I wasn't surprised that he would get a high score. Because of the fact that he knows me so well, he's chosen to disqualify himself from the contest, in the interests of fairness.

But wow, what's up with Onionboy? I've only known him for a few months through the blogosphere, and yet he wins this contest easily! Onionboy! Congratulations, my friend, you not only won, you got the same score as someone who's known me for almost 20 years! You did better than Morgen, who is another excellent 'real-life' friend that knows me really well! You did better than Steve, who has been a friend of mine since high school! You kicked ass! Wow!

I'll e-mail you as soon as I hit the "publish post" button, and we can work out the details of what you'd like your Jannagraphic to be!

A big THANK YOU to everyone who entered!
I had a lot of fun with this, and I hope you did too. :)
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Just so you know...

It's almost 3:30 in the morning and I am just about ready to fall asleep.
Before I collapse into bed, though, I just want to say one thing.
If the fate of the world ever depends on me knowing HTML or CSS, you will all end up meeting horrible grisly deaths.
It's true. Sorry to have to break the news to you.
If the fate of the world depended on other things, like me knowing how to write a dirty limerick or a french horn concerto or a recipe for tacos, your chances would be greatly improved.
But, alas, fate has a sick sense of humor, and thus it will probably end up being the HTML thing instead.
I just want you to know it was nothing personal.
I'm going to bed now.
Good night.
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It's Tuesday already!

And that means that tonight is when I announce the winner of my contest!
Tonight, when I get home from band rehearsal (our first rehearsal of the summer concert season!), I'll check to make sure there are no new entries, and then I'll get ready to post the results.
Feel the excitement!
Get the popcorn ready! Or the cheetos, or tofu balls, or whatever it is you people do when you celebrate things.
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Five Reasons To Embrace Insanity

1) The current price of gasoline

2) The fact that the vast majority of technology makes absolutely no sense to the vast majority of people

3) All the COOL kids are doing it.

4) You’re bound to end up there sooner or later anyway.

5) If you don’t embrace it first, it will wrap its sharp spiky claws around your chest and squeeze tightly until all your major organs have been ruptured and the life has been slowly drained out of you in a wet sticky DNA-filled mass on the floor. (That’s definitely going to stain).
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Manic Monday: Graphic

Because Morgen is such a cool person, he has designated today's Manic Monday theme to be "Graphic". He did this in honor of me opening up a new blog/business dedicated to creating graphics for websites and blogs. It's called Jannagraphics and you've probably already heard about it on other blogs, from at least one of my other super-cool friends who have helped me get the word out. (Thank you, Morgen and Lynda and Steve and Fab and anyone else who's posted something kind about my new venture!)
I'm hoping that later on in the day I can think of something else to say for this MM theme. For now, though, I'll just say a big thank you to my friends who've supported me in this new venture. Here's hoping it meets with some measure of success. :)
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On the radio again

This evening I decided to call in to the Pointless Drivel Live radio show. It'd been a couple weeks since I'd called, so I figured what the heck. Plus, they were making jokes about Minnesota and Iowa, and I wanted to call to defend Michigan, should the need arise. (Thankfully it didn't!)
We spoke of how Iowa is bordered on the East and West by water, which as Fab pointed out, is partly like being protected by a moat. Michigan is the same way! Just seal us off from Ohio/Indiana, and we're secure! Well, the upper peninsula would still have to deal with Wisconsin, but that's ok. If we're nice to them, they give us cheese. And we like cheese. A lot. Especially that yummy pepper jack cheese, with the...
...Where was I? Oh, yes. The radio show.
Every time I call in, I marvel at my decision to do so, because instantly half my brainpower goes out the window, and my verbal communication skills are reduced to a series of monosyllabic grunts and stammers. I sound like an airheaded chipmunk on crack. I can feel my heart racing. I have to make myself be calm.
If I ever had my own radio show, psychology students would be calling in just to do stress-reduction experiments on me. It would be a train wreck, which would no doubt be morbidly fascinating for those of you who love seeing things fall tragically apart. Plus I might get a lot of sympathy and flowers and chocolate. That alone almost makes it worth trying.
Still and all, I love Fab's show, and will probably be calling in again someday.
After we build the moat.
'Cause those Indiana/Ohio people are nothing but trouble. :)
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P.S. Don't forget to enter my contest, if you haven't already!!
I'd love for you all to give it a try! It's painless, I promise!
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I just tagged myself and it felt pretty good

There's a music meme going around that I haven't been tagged with yet, but I'm doing it anyway, just because I feel like it.
It starts by going HERE and clicking on the button (near the top of the screen) that says "Pop Music". Then you scroll through the list of years until you find the year you turned 18. Click on that year, and you'll get a list of songs that were popular that year, plus some noteworthy events that happened in the music industry. List some of them and blog about them!

Ok.... I was 18 in 1988.
Rather than copy the entire list, which is pretty long, I'm just going to copy the songs I really liked. There are 75 on the list, and I liked a lot of them, but here are my top favorites:

4. Pour Some Sugar On Me - Def Leppard (I love pretty much everything Def Leppard has ever done).

32. Chains Of Love - Erasure (I LOVE Erasure. Love them. They are awesome. This video was awesome, too... I remember a grand piano was suspended from the ceiling in chains. So cool!)

46. Beds Are Burning - Midnight Oil (Another group I loved! The lead vocalist has such an interesting voice... It's so OUT there...)

51. Wild Wild West - The Escape Club (Another one where I fondly remember watching the video. Good song, too.)

56. It's The End Of The World As We Know It - R.E.M. (I love REM!!)

75. Englishman In New York - Sting (Anything done by Sting HAS to be cool. It's a law.)

NOW for a few songs on the list that I DIDN'T like:

5. I'll Always Love You - Taylor Dayne (I can not stand Taylor Dayne.)

27. Can't Stay Away From You - Gloria Estefan & Miami Sound Machine (I can not stand Gloria Estefan.)

52. So Emotional - Whitney Houston (I can not stand Whitney Houston.)

59. Tell It To My Heart - Taylor Dayne (Did I mention I can't stand Taylor Dayne?)

Note: One of the songs on the list was "Don't Worry, Be Happy", by Bobby McFerrin. Now, normally this airheaded cheeriness is NOT in line with my personality, but I have to admit that this song is a guilty pleasure for me. I usually enjoy it when I hear it.
(deep breath)
There, I admitted it.
I feel better now.
Although I think I need a shower.
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Theoretical Astrophysics Moment

If the universe is an ever-expanding sphere, then why aren't our eyeballs being slowly pulled out of our skulls?
Hey... maybe that's what's causing my migraines!
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Testing your knowledge of Jannadom

I'd like to try a fun little contest.
Mr. Fab did something like this last week.
He posted a list of statements about himself. Some were true, some were false. His readers had to guess which was which. The person who had the most correct guesses won a prize.
He had a HUNDRED things on his list (!!!). I'm only going to have twenty. Half are true, half are false. Can you guess which are which?
I'll leave the contest open til Tuesday night (11:59pm). Guess away!
The winner will get a custom-made Jannagraphic. You can have either an avatar enhancement or a medium sign. Or I can make a sidebar sign that advertises your blog or your favorite charity or something. Your choice. We'll work something out.

E-mail your guesses to me at jannafer@qcnet.net. (I decided not to have them left in the comments, because I don't want people to be influenced by each other's guesses).
One more thing: I will give a bonus point to the first person who helps me fix THIS.

Here's the list!
Which ten are true, and which ten are false?

1. When I had my wisdom teeth out, I was most upset about the fact that I couldn't chew Doritos for awhile afterward.

2. Growing up, I had a crush on Arnold Horshack from Welcome Back Kotter.

3. When I was 10 years old, I had a pet rock named "Hoople".

4. I hate fishing.

5. My 5th grade teacher was Mrs. Amsbaugh.

6. I love putting just a little bit of salt on my watermelon.

7. I have never even tried to play a violin.

8. I hate doing dishes so much that I ONLY use disposable plates.

9. I have a grandmother and a cousin, both of whom have "Feldra" as a first name.

10. My middle name is the same as my grandmother's.

11. I have no clue how to change a tire.

12. I have never been to a football game, either high school, college, or professional.

13. I wish my eyes were green.

14. I would love to drive across the country, just to see the sights and be free..

15. I think it would be cool to pet one of those giant anaconda snakes.

16. I have actually eaten rattlesnake meat before.

17. I wear size 11 shoes.

18. I still have one of my baby teeth in my mouth.

19. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 20.

20. I worked at McDonalds for three days.
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E-mail your guesses to me at jannafer@qcnet.net.

How do I fix this???

I'm hoping one of you computer-savvy folks can help me with this.
It's bugging the crap out of me.
Ever since the last "daylight savings time" thing, my computer's clock has been screwed up. I don't mean the one in the lower right corner of the screen; I know how to change that. I mean the internal clock that's connected with Outlook Express. Whenever I receive an e-mail, it records it as having arrived an hour LATER.
For example.... I send you an e-mail at 4:30.
Fine. Outlook records it as 4:30.
Then you respond at 4:35...
But my screen will say it arrived at 5:35.
And if I respond back to you at 5:37, it'll say 5:37,
But if you reply again at 6:00, it'll say you actually replied at 7:00.
So in my folders, the messages are all out of order, and it's extremely annoying if I'm sorting through it trying to find a specific message.
To make things even weirder, once in awhile I'll receive a message which IS actually stamped with the correct time. But 95% of the time, it's marked as being an hour later than it really is.
What the hell?
Can anyone help me fix this?
I'm about ready to drive a stake through the computer screen, and that would be a shame, 'cuz I couldn't blog anymore after that.
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Make it stop

Migraine today.
All day so far.
I'll blog more once I've stopped barfing and hurting.
Try not to change the world too much between now and then.
I'd hate to feel like I missed something.
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The kinds of things I think about when I don't have to pee

I wonder why jello isn't available in cola flavor... I guess you could make some by adding Coke to unflavored gelatin, but really that's too much of a bother. Why not have jello already cola-flavored in the box? Just add water and chill! Or those pre-made "snack pack" things? Genius, I tell you! Pure genius! OMG, what about Mountain Dew jello? Wouldn't that be cool? Surely I can't be the only one out there who thinks so.
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Additional important thought: Iguanas are cuter than lobsters, but lobsters taste better.
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Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen reasons to get a picture done over at my Jannagraphics site:

1. Announce your birthday is coming up... so people don't forget it this year!
2. To commemorate a special event you want to remember always.
3. Promote a recent addition you just made to your website! (Example: "Now, with even more cursing!")
4. To promote your blog on other sites. Get a sign made, and ask friends to put it in their sidebars!
5. To promote your online store!
6. Creatively display your motto or favorite saying to everyone who visits your blog!
7. To celebrate a cool milestone, like the 500th post on your blog. (Or your 1000th post!)
8. Avatar enhancement: Spice up that picture of yourself! Make yourself look cool and interesting to your readers!
9. Memorialize a beloved pet in your sidebar with an "in memory of...." sign that features your favorite picture of them.
10, Remind readers about an upcoming event!
11. Promote awareness for your favorite charity!
12. Put a fun-looking "e-mail me" button in your sidebar!
13. Want a new look? Get a new banner for your blog!
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Join My Fan Club!

Ok, just kidding. I don't really have fans.
It's more of a "List of people who have promised NOT to kill me in my sleep or squeal on me to the CIA or reach into my ribcage and pull out my beating heart while laughing."
But still, it'd be good to see your name on the list.
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Yes, I'm a wuss. Hug me anyway.

Ok, we're getting a storm here.
Not a thunder-and-lightning storm, but a windstorm.
You know how I feel about those, right?
Click HERE if you don't. It will explain everything.
Anyway, it's raining, and the wind is blowing so hard that the rain is almost parallel to the ground.
Not good.
Hold me.

Pretty

I wish aluminum foil was copper-colored instead of silver-colored.
No reason.
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...And I'll be there around 7:00

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How to make Janna go away

As I stepped outside this evening, I noticed that there was a nice breeze, and the temperature was on the upper end of my comfort zone, but still decent enough to qualify for "comfy". I found it curious, because it really was on the edge-- one more degree and I probably would have said "Ugh, this is getting kinda warm." In fact, if there wasn't a good breeze, I probably WOULD have thought it was too warm.
So I made a point of checking the temperature when I drove by the bank.
It was 72 degrees.
So if I'm ever visiting your homes, and you get sick of me, and want me to leave immediately, just crank up the thermostat to 73 and turn off any nearby fans.
I will leave.
I promise.
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Another Green Thought for Manic Monday

I bet the reason Mountain Dew bottles are green is this: If they were clear, and showed the actual color of the contents, people would think they looked like huge urine samples. And let's face it, no one wants to drink a huge urine sample.
Well, almost no one.

Manic Monday: Green

The Manic Monday theme is "Green", so I made some pictures for the occasion.

*

**
I enjoy making pictures like these.
In fact, I love it. It's very cathartic.

It would be nice if I could make a living from it.

Blog banners, buttons, altered graphics, backgrounds, computer wallpaper, e-mail stationery.... I can do this, people. I've been doing it for years. I was doing this even before I got into blogging. Now that I'm part of the blogosphere, it comes in handy because I make all my own blog banners and backgrounds. It's frustrating when I see other people making a living doing something I would LOVE to be doing. I feel like a mom-and-pop business which is being drowned out by Wal-Mart.

*

**
UPDATE: Here's the URL to my graphics site!!!! :)
http://jannagraphics.blogspot.com/

Just a thought

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If books were edible, I bet fewer people would read in the bathroom.
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Farewell to my I.V.

Today was my last day of IV antibiotics at the hospital!
My arms/wrists are now completely bare! No more needles or IV's or anything!
All gone! All done!
I still have about a week's worth of the Cipro, which I have to take twice a day.
Today the leg was more red and swollen than yesterday, but the ER people didn't seem too alarmed by it, so I won't worry.
I'll just keep doing what I'm supposed to do...

Completely unrelated thought: I am now craving lemon sherbet with blueberry preserves on top.
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Attention, Florida: Don't Inhale

A couple of my Floridian friends have been blogging about the fires down there.
I can only imagine how it must be! My eyes tear up really easily when I'm exposed to smoke. At last night's party I had to keep wiping my watery eyes, because there was a lot of smoke in the air. (cigarette smoke, cigar smoke, pot smoke, hookah smoke)...
Empress Bee has posted some pictures she took from her balcony in West Palm Beach. That smoky air does NOT look healthy in the least.
In fact, it looks downright un-Floridian.
Stay inside, you guys, don't breathe that stuff!
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Guitar Solo Meme

Meloncutter tagged me with a meme he created.
All I have to do is list 5 songs that have guitar solos I like.
Here we go!

1) Poison, by Alice Cooper ...(1989)
2) Nothing Else Matters, by Metallica ...(1991)
3) The Unforgiven, by Metallica ...(1991)
4) White Rabbit, by Jefferson Airplane ...(1967)
5) Too Late For Love, by Def Leppard ...(1983)
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Wiki meme

Morgen tagged me with this Wiki-Meme.
You go to Wikipedia and type in the month/day you were born. (No year).
Then you list three events that happened on that day, two birthdays, and one death.
Here's mine:

JANUARY 11th:

Events:
1693: Mt. Etna erupts in Sicily, Italy.
1805: the Michigan Territory was created!!!
1949: First recorded case of snowfall in Los Angeles, CA.

Birthdays:
1755: Alexander Hamilton, 1st US Secretary of the Treasury
1956: Robert Earl Keen, American singer
(Bonus: 1970: Mary J. Blige was born the same day AND year as me!)

Death:
705: Pope John VI
(Bonus death: 1843: Francis Scott Key, the guy who wrote the words to the National Anthem.
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I'm not tagging anybody.
I love most of you too much for that. :)
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The Party

It's about three in the morning and I just got back from the party.
Wow.
It was interesting, to say the least.
Started out kinda slow, but by the end I had experienced at least three things I'd never seen/done before.

Before I get to that list, though, lemme say I decided not to drink any alcohol. I decided it probably just wouldn't be a wise choice, what with my IV and my bad leg and my antibiotics. There will be other parties, I can drink at those if I want to. For this one, I remained sober.
I was the only sober one there. Everyone else ended up in varying degrees of drunkenness. So I sorta got unofficially voted as "the chick who keeps people's car keys to make sure they don't drive drunk." And I occasionally felt like I was "the adult" in a day care center or something. Strange things were happening!

The host (who is a magnificent cook) made delicious BBQ ribs and BBQ chicken on the grill. Plus there was yummy cornbread, pasta, and one of the most decadent chocolate cakes I have had in a long time. Amazing. Even while drunk, this guy is a better cook than I am when I'm sober.
Incidentally, he was so drunk that he tested the "doneness" of the cake by sticking his finger in the middle of it while it was still in the oven. Hot. He put his bare finger in something that was in the process of baking! Duh! OUCH! Of course he got burned, but didn't seem to be bothered too much by it-- he said something like "Well, THAT'S gonna hurt tomorrow when I wake up."
Despite the strange behavior that emanated from all directions, I did have a good time with my friends. There were also people there I'd never met before. The house was full of people.

Now for the list of three things I've never done before, which I did tonight:

1) Actually gave the hookah a try when it was passed to me. (*shrug*). It was ok. It had berry scented tobacco in it, which made smoke that smelled like kool-aid or Crunch Berries cereal. I'm not a smoker, so it didn't really grab me, but I admit it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. (*shrug*) I don't know if I'll do it again.

2) There was a joint being passed around. I did not partake. But this was the first time in my life I've been within ten feet of an actual joint. It smelled different from what I was expecting. Guess I've led a sheltered life. I'm 37 and this is the first time I've been around any kind of "illegal drug".

3) I've never seen stoned people before. Tonight I got to see people who were drunk AND stoned AND passed out in the middle of the front lawn. People just laying there on the grass (no pun intended), occasionally saying things, occasionally pausing to puke, occasionally doing nothing at all. Strange.

I'm glad I chose to remain sober. I think I got the better end of the deal.
It was like watching one big psychology experiment, gone oddly awry.

I felt normal by comparison.
Those of you who know me will realize how scary that is. :)
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To all my beloved lurkers

One thing about having the "MyBlogLog" thingy in my sidebar is that I can see who's visiting me, even if they don't comment. (Of course, if you're not registered with MyBlogLog, I STILL can't see you, but at least this is a step in the right direction.) It's kinda cool to see new faces on the list. I see some people that show up on a fairly regular basis but never comment.
That's ok. Really, I'm totally ok with that.
Depending on what blog I'm reading, I can be a bit of a lurker myself.
It's how I am in real life; I'm not very talkative in social situations unless I REALLY know the people well. Then I can be kind of a nut, a freak, a weirdo, a strange wacky person. [if you know me, please feel free to insert your own terminology here].

Something Mr. Fab said about lurkers on Friday, February 10, 2006: "I know you are out there, peeking around corners, standing back in the shadows, drinking my milk straight from the carton instead of using a glass, not putting the seat down after you use my toilet, putting your drink directly on the coffee table instead of using a coaster, leaving your dirty socks on the floor, and leaving your dishes in the sink instead of putting them away in the dishwasher."

Then he goes on to compare lurkers to poltergeists, saying a blog with lurkers is kind of like a haunted house. Which, in a weird way, is sort of cool.
So keep lurking if you want to, or start commenting if you want to.
I'm just glad you're here. Please keep coming back. :)
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La la la la la la la!!!!

That's me, singing, because I've lost my mind.
No, actually it's me, singing, because I just got back from the hospital and they saw how miserable I was, so they took the IV out of my wrist!!
Yay! Relief! Sweet, sweet relief!
They were able to find a much better spot, further up on my arm. Usually my veins are notoriously hard to find, but there was a terrific nursing student named Melanie who found one right away! First time! Effortlessly! Yay for Melanie! You go, girl!
So now I still have to have the IV in til tomorrow, but it's not a big deal now. It doesn't hurt at all in its current location. And thank goodness, now I can move my wrist and be ambidextrous again!
The leg is definitely improving, BTW. It doesn't LOOK much better, but it certainly feels a lot better. The swelling has gone down, and the "pressure" has greatly diminished. The flare-ups don't happen very often at all now.
I am feeling better! Lalalalalala!
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Sharing my wisdom

Wrist. Sore. Poke. Stab. Ouch. Constant.
One more day one more day one more day and I can get this thing taken out of my wrist vein. Onemoreday.
Infatuated newsprint hobbies virtually decapitate eyebrow holders if bald goldfish perpetually cruelly ignore Janna. I can tell the difference, don't think I don't notice. There used to be daily luscious connectivity demonstrations of warm oxygen bonding but now there is blankness and glacial occipital separation ostinato which sears noticeably into unsheathed neurons much like a cattle brand that says "Eat At Joe's." After all, Joe has been dead for years.

Mr. Fab doesn't like lemurs anymore. But he does like pepper jack cheese.

If I had balls, I bet they would itch.

Bonus lesson: If you can only pull your pants down one-handed, which takes awhile, and you're on antibiotics which give you diarrhea, whatever you do, don't try to fart. Trust me on this.

This isn't pretty, folks

I see purple anthropological hairspray zombies trailing blindly through the zeitgeist....
Oooh, and they're in alphabetical order...
But I can't take pictures of them until I decipher the aluminum magpie orchestration...
There is no time for baguettes!
Also, today I learned that if you have to pee really bad but can only pull your pants down with one hand (due to an IV being in the other wrist), you will probably not win the race against time. Especially since antibiotics also cause diarrhea.
Dammit.

Pardon me as I drift further into insanity

I HATE having this I.V stuck into my wrist vein 24 hours a day. I can feel it in there whenever I move my arm at all, and it is driving me crazy. It has to be in there four whole F***ing days. (Wed-Thurs-Fri-Sat.).
I. Can. Feel. It.
Acghh! Take it out! Take it out! I'll tell you whatever you want to know, just take it out!!! Resplendent ovarian quiche habitat in a regurgitated omnivorous spherical zephyr! Anticlimactic burglarized quarterly vaseline triplets masquerading as triglyceride hoofbeats! Fear the philanthropic antique jello meridian!

Another day, another hospital bracelet

I just got back from the hospital. I spent the whole evening there.
My leg has developed full-blown cellulitis and is badly infected.
I laid in the E.R. for a few hours while they gave me an I.V. of antibiotics. (something called Rocephin). I have to return for the next three days to get three more doses of antibiotics pumped into me.
They left the I.V. needle thing in my wrist and bandaged up my arm to immobilize it, so when I return each day, they just have to unwrap me, IV me, and wrap me back up. (Plus I'm on oral antibiotics again too).
They couldn't find a good vein in my arm, so they had to stick me right in the middle of my wrist. This hurt like hell, and still doesn't feel very good when I make the mistake of moving my wrist, because of course that thing is still jammed in there.
Here's how I knew my leg was making a turn for the worse: the wound had been slowly healing down to the size of a dime. But it's now the size of a 50-cent piece. The red area around it had been the size of a bagel. But it's now larger than a CD. And it hurts worse. My leg has swollen and is full of fluid, which sometimes drains out and drips. (I know, that's gross, sorry). There's an awful feeling of pressure.
I realized this afternoon that it was not going to get better on its own, no matter how much tea-tree oil I used.
So I made the dreaded journey back to the hospital.
And I'm glad I did. I really feel like crap. As I was laying there in the ER, it dawned on me how lousy I felt, and I realized that the hospital was exactly where I needed to be at that moment.

This whole thing has turned into such a saga that I've given it its own LABEL, so you can revisit the whole storyline if you want.

One other thing: While I was there, they did a blood test to see if I was diabetic. I'm not. So there's good news, at least.
.

Various thoughts

1) Our concert was tonight.
(**shrug**). It was ok.
Not entirely horrible, but not as flawless as I would have liked.
Our next one will probably be in July.

2) We had 11 people meet at The Hunt Club afterward for ABC group. I had nachos (though The Hunt Club calls them "Wiley Chips" for some reason). Some of the guys had beer... really dark beer. I forget what kind it was. I'm not much of a beer chick. Bleccch. How anyone can drink beer along with their meal and actually enjoy the food is beyond me.

3) This Friday (May 11th) there is a party at Jason's house. I'm looking forward to it and plan on having a good time. I don't go to many parties. First, I don't get invited to many, and second, I'm generally not the social butterfly party type anyway. But it's cool when it's this particular group of friends (the ABC's). I like them, they're fun and weird and lovably unconventional. (Just my type!)

4) Usually I'm not much of a drinker. It just doesn't interest me most of the time. Plus, in my opinion most alcohol tastes like crap. Yet once in a great while (again, with the ABC group) I feel the urge to kill a few brain cells and act like an idiot. (Granted, the "idiot" part I can probably manage without the alcohol, but hey.) I haven't decided yet whether I'll be drinking at the party. If I do, it will probably be something wussy like schnapps or jello shots or hard lemonade. I can't stand straight liquor. Or beer. Or wine. I'd make a lousy alcoholic, wouldn't I?

5) For goodness sake, don't hide the bodies somewhere obvious where people will find them... unless you want to be caught...

6) I am really thirsty right now.

7) Is anybody out there? Anyone? Anyone?
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This happens in Michigan a lot, actually

How Will You Meet Your Maker?

You will die of hypothermia after ill-timed consumption of a case of beer fuels your desire to make anatomically correct snow angels in the nude. Brrrr...

Take this quiz!



Quizilla

Tea Tree Oil

Tonight at band, I showed my leg wound to our director. He and his wife highly recommended tea tree oil as a healing antiseptic. They even gave me a partial bottle they had. I've got it soaking on the wound right now.
I smell like.... like a swamp full of Lipton tea in the middle of a greenhouse. Weird.

It is soothing, though. I wasn't expecting that. It's taken away a significant amount of the discomfort I was having. I'm impressed.

(1) Here's one article about tea tree oil's benefits as an antiseptic for wounds.
(2) Here's another. (This one's from the Mayo Clinic!)
(3) And another.
(4) And one more.

I'd like to give it the benefit of the doubt.
We'll see how things look in the morning.
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My Green Yard

Remember last month, when I posted pictures of my snowy yard?

Here's what it looked like on April 5...

Here's what it looked like on April 11...

And now, may I present that same yard, covered in sunny warm green stuff.

Honestly, I prefer the snow.

But at least it isn't TOO ungodly hot yet.
Yet.
But it will be soon.

In the middle of this week, the temperatures are supposed to soar up into the mid-to upper-70's, which is too hot for me.
I know those of you in the southern states are laughing at me right now for saying that.
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Manic Monday: Survive

(After nearly an entire weekend of being unable to get online...)

No internet connection
How will I survive?
Time has no direction
No place to arrive
Away from my blog
I'm unable to thrive
In a cyber-less fog
I feel barely alive
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Am I SUPPOSED to make sense?

If you're ever standing in the middle of the street, staring intently at a half-cup of butterscotch pudding, please remember: There may be a red bus with an Alabama license plate headed straight for you. And if that happens, remember to immediately ignore the pudding, because bus drivers are all trained to run over people who like butterscotch pudding.
Especially the ones in Alabama.

Luckily I prefer chocolate instead.
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Leg Update

For anyone who still cares... LOL:
I'm now down to a regular-size band-aid for the wound. I had been using those giant ones that are about the size of the palm of my hand, but now I can get away with the smaller ones (the kind that you'd put on your finger).
The red area is still pretty big (about the circumference of a bagel), and sometimes for no discernible reason it will start hurting a lot. When those "flare-ups" happen, I generally have to stop what I'm doing, because there's no way I can concentrate through it.
But at least the part that needs bandaging is getting smaller. It's maybe the size of a dime.
I'll be glad when the whole thing is gone for good.
When the hospital said it'd take a long time to heal, they weren't kidding!
It's been over two weeks now!!
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I'm here I'm here I'm here

Egad!!!
Due to connectivity issues with dial-up and my dirty rotten ISP, I wasn't able to get online all day Saturday, and most of Sunday either. It's now 9:00 Sunday night and I am just now able to access my e-mail and my blog.
I have a lot of catching up to do with your blogs, plus I'll have to listen to Fab's radio show via the archives. (Couldn't get online in time to catch it live!!)
The amount of mail in my inbox is nowhere near the amount it should be for the time I was gone, so I suspect a lot of stuff bounced back. If you tried sending me something and I don't seem to have received it, please re-send it.
I hate when technology makes me bend over and grab my ankles like this.

Blue Janna

I changed my avatar picture thingy today.

.... Because I felt like it. :)

Shameless Self-Advertisement

I made this bracelet today. Originally I made it for someone else, but I'm keeping it for myself because it turned out that the would-be recipient doesn't like to wear bracelets very much.
I'm actually kinda glad I get to keep the bracelet; I've grown rather fond of it. Still wearing it, in fact!
These are the kinds of bracelets I make for The Wren's Nest, over in Dowagiac. They've got semi-precious stone nuggets strung on memory wire. Very comfy; no fastening required... and they fit every wrist perfectly. Currently the varieties in stock are Rose Quartz, Clear Quartz, Sodalite, and Fluorite. And of course I make the squiggle clips too! (Fun squiggly handmade paper clips). Those come in Bronze, Red, Green and Assorted Colors.

...Wow, I'm not used to advertising myself like this.
I feel a little dirty right now.
Is that wrong?
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My favorite blogger quote for the day

Today's favorite blogger quote comes from Matt-Man over at Bagwine Ruminations.
Every Friday he does a post called "Stream Of Consciousness Friday". He types whatever comes into his head, no matter how disjointed or nonsensical. It's usually hilarious, and makes me feel quite sane by comparison.
Today's post contained this golden gem of wisdom:

"It is always nice to be noticed, well, except when you’re picking your nose or scratching your balls."

Everyone take a moment to write that down.
It is nice to be NOTICED, dammit.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have an itch.
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Thirteen Things I'm Craving Right Now

1) Fettucine Alfredo
2) A live performance of Handel's Water Music, unedited, with good musicians who can actually play the music properly
3) Pizza with enough meat on it to frighten animals everywhere
4) A Family Guy marathon
5) Szechuan chicken with extra hot peppers
6) A good roll in the hay
7) Chocolate chip cookies!!!!!!
8) A Scrubs marathon
9) Beef Stroganoff
10) A bubble bath in a giant tub, with lavender-scented bubbles
11) Grilled chicken sandwich with swiss cheese, bacon, and tomatoes
12) Inner peace and tranquility and one-ness with the universe
13) Blueberry pie
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I understand

Here I am!!

Ok, I think I'm back in the land of the living now.
My migraine seems to be 99% gone.
I had a sandwich awhile ago, and so far, so good.
Whew.
I pretty much lost the entire day; I had to cancel all the things I had planned.
Now it's 9:30 in the evening and I'm wide awake!
Wide awake, I say!
Anyone out there want a manicure?

Ouch, dammit

I have been sick, sick, sick, sick all day with a migraine.
It still hasn't gone away completely, and I still can't keep anything down.
I'm not sure what's worse about migraines, the pain or the extreme nausea.
It's been going on for about 10 hours now. Occasionally I realize there are tears going down my face, but the odd thing is I don't notice it until they tickle my cheeks.
I really hate migraines.
If anyone wants to challenge me to a game of Scrabble, now is the time to do it, because you would surely win.
I'd be struggling to do pitiful little words like "IN" and "OR", while you would be totally kicking my ass with cool words like "ZYGOTIC" and "TAXONOMY" and "QUIZZICAL", all on triple word scores, of course.
Oh, the shame.
Ouch.

I'll write more later, once my migraine has fully gone away.
Feeling nauseous again.
(Does anyone remember the "ipecac" scene from Family Guy?)
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Math problem for today

If the square root of 256 is 16, and the cube root of 512 is 8, then what is the average time span between the moment I finish washing my car and the moment a bird decides to poop on it?
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Haiku for no reason

***
I should have told you
The floor is very slippery
Sorry about that
***
Eyebrows are funny
They look even funnier
If they've been shaved off
***
You just blew your nose
There's a booger on your chin
Should I say something?
***

At least I didn't put them in the oven

Proof that I have a lot on my mind and am not quite thinking straight today:
I just got up to pour a glass of Redpop. Usually I don't bother with ice and glasses, but today I decided to go the extra mile.
After I made everything just the way I like it, I stood there in front of the fridge for a moment... holding the bag of ice cubes...
Wondering if the ice should go in the FREEZER or the FRIDGE.
I was drawing a blank there, for a moment.
Yikes!
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Five random items for no reason

1) Pine-scented candle which has melted from being in a hot car for 46 minutes
2) Wheelbarrow full of old Disney movies
3) Plastic fork with unidentifiable orange stuff on it
4) Gallon of fruit punch which has been peed in by a disgruntled supermarket employee
5) My spleen
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Wordless Wednesday

Which one is false?

Three of the four following statements are true:

(1) I am currently topless.
(2) My elbows smell like apple-scented lotion.
(3) I love Frosted Flakes.
(4) I keep hearing the words "Roland The Headless Thompson Gunner" in my head.

Looking to the future

A hundred years from now, maybe paper plates can be made from recycled sewage.
I predict a huge decrease in the popularity of picnics.

Not a great flavor combination

Over the weekend I tried the new Summer Tropical flavor of Pepsi.
Not all that great.
The flavor is kinda reminiscent of banana, melon, and ass.
Go on, take a whiff.