What on earth do they think I WRITE???

(deep breath.... commence rant...)

Oh, my. This is really embarrassing AND maddening.
Hopefully I will eventually find it funny.
I just spent the last hour or so TRYING to install one of those "Recent Readers" widgets from "My BlogLog".
Earlier this afternoon, when I visited Morgen, he said it was "easy" and showed me how to do it (on his computer).
"Ok," I thought. "That doesn't look too bad. I can do that."
Hahahahahahaha.
I HATE it when people say "Oh, that's easy," and when I try it, I end up wishing for the sweet release of death instead.
I've spent the last hour fussing around with HTML and color choices and junk, wondering why it WASN'T WORKING for me. I also noticed that my screen looked somehow quite different from the one Morgen had.
I was SO frustrated, just about to the point of tears.
"I'm not stupid," I kept saying to myself. "So why can't I figure this out?"
Well, after about an hour, I noticed that the widget I wanted was actually UNAVAILABLE to me, because...
Get this...
Are ya ready?
They think I'm an ADULT SITE.
ME!
There was this message at the top of the page:
"We are not currently offering the Recent Readers widget for adult sites. If you believe you have been labeled an adult site by mistake, please email our customer service and let them know you are not an adult site."
(!!!!!)
Y'know, there are blogs out there that are a LOT more "Rated-R and Beyond" than my humble little blog here, and THEY have those widget thingies. So there's no way I should be labeled as an "adult site."
What made them THINK that?????? I don't even SWEAR that often, except when annoying stuff like this happens!
Needless to say, I sent them an email stating my case, and am hoping to hear back from them very, very soon.
How embarrassing!
An hour of frustration, all for nothing!

(Note: That's not REALLY what I e-mailed them, but I wanted to....)

If this would've happened tomorrow, I'd have suspected perhaps it was some sick April Fools' joke!

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Fun Game For The Kids!

Here I am in Dowagiac, visiting Morgen.
I don't really have much to say today, so luckily you don't have to wade through a long post (Hey, stop looking so happy about that).
We did find something funny while web-surfing earlier this afternoon. Remember yesterday when I said my headache was so bad I wanted to drill holes in it to release the evil spirits? Well, Morgen remembered that the actual term for that procedure is "trepanation". And, after Googling it, we found a parody of the old game "Operation".... take a look!
Cool, huh?

The Question Room

Ok, finally my migraine seems to be gone, so now I can concentrate on doing a longer post.
I want to tell you all about this weird dream I had earlier, while trying to sleep off the headache.

I dreamed I was spending the night at a house owned by this weird family. (I don't know who they were, I don't know them in real life). There were a few other houseguests as well, including Al Franken and Grandpa Jones from Hee Haw.
This family was really repressed about "bathroom" issues. The following rules were enforced whenever any of us had to go to that section of the house:

1) We had to announce whenever we were going to the bathroom-- except we weren't allowed to call it the bathroom; we had to call it "The Question Room" instead.

2) We were not allowed to be totally naked in The Question Room. If we wanted to bathe, we had to use a sponge or small washcloth soaked in a small jar of soapy water, and we could only uncover whatever body part we were washing at that particular moment. Each of us was assigned our own little jar of soapy water, which we had to carry around with us all the time. I noticed that poor Al Franken had a scouring pad in his jar instead of a sponge or cloth. (ouch!)

3) As we got up and entered the "Question Room" door, we had to audibly pose a question. ANY question, to no one in particular, for no particular reason. The more nonsensical, the better. I wish I could remember what Al Franken's question was. But here are some examples of questions that would have been acceptable:

"Are liquids redundant?"
"Do four aspen branches taste like cloves?"
"Other than vinegar, what else do orange skunks drink?"
"Why is the square root of pi more than your IQ?"
"Whose armpit smells like doritos?"

And everyone in the room would listen to whatever question you asked and discuss it while you were gone.

Get the idea? So after Al Franken came out of the bathroom, I realized I had to go too. So I picked up my jar of soapy water with its little washcloth, and announced that I had to visit The Question Room.
Except as I was about to enter the door, I froze... I couldn't think of a question! Stagefright, writer's block (dreamer's block?), call it what you will, but I couldn't think of a question. So I stood there, anxious because I really had to pee, trying really hard to think of something-- anything-- to ask.
Finally, in desperation, I said "What is nine times eight?" and hurried on in.
I was so disappointed in my question. Somehow I knew that everyone in the other room was looking around with expressions of disgust, thinking "What the hell kind of question was THAT??"

And of course that's when I woke up... with a full bladder.
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Would a plastic spork work instead?

I have had a migraine all day today. Ugh.
Y'know how back in the Bronze Age, "surgeons" would dig holes into people's skulls to let the evil spirits out? I'm just about to try that.... except, dammit, I seem to have misplaced my chisel.
Again.

Worst. Hunting Dog. Ever.

Math problem for today

Howard is sitting in traffic at a red light. The car in front of him is 1.5 meters away, while the car behind him is 1.2 meters away. When the light turns green, traffic will begin moving at a rate of .001 meters per second, gradually increasing at a rate directly proportional to the speed of the first car in line, which is currently being driven by a little old lady who seems to have forgotten where the hell she is.
At this rate, approximately how many seconds will it take before Howard is sent to anger management classes after getting out of his car and smashing windshields with a crowbar?

More Random Things About Janna: The Automotive Edition

66) When I'm feeling depressed, I like to take long drives on back roads. When I do this, I tend to only go about 40 mph, which annoys anyone who happens to be behind me, which annoys me further.

67) When I'm feeling angry, I like to drive a little faster than the speed limit, and I get annoyed with people who are driving 40mph on the back roads.

68) I'm very nervous about driving on expressways. I don't like the "divided" aspect of it. I don't like the fact that you can't do a U-turn if you need to. It's too easy to get lost, and turning around is always a hassle. Plus there are tons of maniacs out there who know exactly where they want to go, and they're annoyed that you aren't moving fast enough to suit them. It's ok if I'm a passenger in a car that's on the expressway/interstate, but god forbid I should have to be the one driving on it myself. Please pass the Xanax. If the only way I can reach your house is by driving on an expressway, there is a pretty good chance that I will never stalk you.

69) I have never had sex in the back seat of a car. Well... I guess that depends on how you define... um... on second thought, let's just skip this one.

70) I am the only person I know who actually thinks the Pontiac Aztek looks cool. Sure I know there are sportier sexier cars out there, but still, doesn't the Aztek look nice and friendly and fun? Am I the only one who thinks this? Anyone? Anyone?

71) I can't see as well at night as I used to, so night driving has become more of a challenge. I can still DO it, of course, I just have to really concentrate on the road, more so than usual. And other people's headlights pretty much BLIND me, much as if they were a deadly ray gun pointed directly at my retinas.
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Thursday Thirteen

Thirteen Things That Just Might Make Me Feel Better Right Now

1) Understanding the universe's warped sense of justice
2) A long hot bubble bath in a big roomy tub
3) A pan of warm fudgy chewy dark chocolate brownies
4) Getting a nice letter in the mail
5) Getting my washing machine fixed
6) Finding a paying gig for my writing projects
7) Finding a paying gig for my photoshop projects
8) Finding more paying gigs for my nail art projects
9) Finding a paying gig for my music composition projects
10) Finding ANY paying gig to keep me out of poverty
11) Finding a soulmate who will treasure my quirkiness
12) A couple huge pizzas shared with a small handful of good friends
13) A good night's sleep

At least the last one I can take care of right now.
Good night.
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Mushy but true

This is going to be a little mushy, so I'll keep it brief.
I just want to take a moment to thank everyone out there who considers me a friend. Whether I'm a friend you've actually met face-to-face or not, please know that you're important to me. I love you guys. I hope that I'm sometimes able to make you smile and laugh, as a small way of repaying you for your visits and comments.
Thank you.
Really.

Misery loves company. (Er, I mean, "Gosh! This will be fun!!")

Y'know, that previous meme inspired me to create one of my very own.
Anything I can do to add more stress and angst to the blogosphere is certainly worth the effort.

And by god, start popping the Xanax, because when you get to the end, you just might find that I have tagged you.

LIST FOUR SENTENCES YOU'VE NEVER SAID BEFORE:
1) "If only my left kidney was made of jello, I might get invited to more picnics."
2) "So, lemme get this straight-- we're NOT supposed to giggle during the ritual sacrifices?"
3) "Your deodorant smells like bologna... that is SO sexy."
4) "Wow, of course I'll marry you; thanks for asking!!"

LIST ANY NUMBER OF SONG TITLES THAT DESCRIBE HOW YOU'VE FELT THIS WEEK:
1) Nothing Else Matters (Metallica)
2) Obsession (Animotion)
3) Poison (Alice Cooper)
4) Wicked Game (Chris Isaak)
5) It's Not Easy Being Me (Five For Fighting)

IMAGINE YOU'RE HAVING THE IDEAL PERFECT DAY. WHAT FOUR THINGS WOULD YOU BE DOING?
1) Playing french horn in an excellent symphony orchestra
2) Getting a new computer which is not obsolete in any way at all, complete with high-speed Internet
3) Reading a good book, while curled up on the sofa with a soft comfy blanket, a happy purring cat, and an ice-cold bottle of Mountain Dew
4) Watching CNN and discovering that everyone who has ever annoyed me has suddenly been stricken with a strange new version of E-Coli.

MAKE UP FIVE CREATIVE NAMES FOR A NEW ROCK BAND:
1) The Undulating Pickles
2) Majestic Spleen
3) Mortimer's Thyroid
4) The Petrified Sporks
5) Septic Thanks

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU GET TO GO BACK IN TIME AND ENSURE THAT THREE SONGS WERE NEVER WRITTEN, THUS SPARING HUMANITY FROM EVER HAVING TO HEAR THEM. WHAT THREE SONGS WOULD GET THE AXE?
1) Lovin' You (Minnie Riperton)
2) Maggie May (Rod Stewart)
3) God Bless The USA (Lee Greenwood)

Now for the tags.
First and foremost, I have to tag Morgen, to punish reward him for all the lovely tags he's given me since I started blogging.
Next, I'll tag Natalie, since I think she could probably have a lot of fun with this.
And hey, why not tag Onionboy... does he do memes? Let's find out.
Meloncutter despises memes, so heck, sure, let's tag him too...
Then, let's tag Travis and Steve and Shelli...
And, of course, last but not least, I have to tag Mr. Fabulous, whose comment for the previous meme was "You dirty, dirty whore, why didn't you tag me?"
Careful what you ask for.
Love ya.

(Notice I didn't say you guys HAD to tag anyone else... I'll leave that up to you, depending on how much pain you want to spread around. LOL).
.

What did I say that sounded like "I've been a dirty bad girl, please TAG me with a MEME"??

I have been MEMED. Screwed. (Er, I mean, tagged.)

(Insert sound of ear-splitting scream here).
Morgen has tagged me with a music meme.
The theme of the meme = you list seven songs/CDs that you've listened to recently and then tag seven people.
(SEVEN people???)

Ok, ok, let's see, what have I listened to recently... I'll have to think about this, since my computer's CD-rom isn't working anymore, thus I've been unable to listen to CD's while websurfing and blurfing. So let's look through the CD's I keep right next to my computer, and see which ones I WOULD have played if the computer had let me...

1) The Soundtrack to A View To A Kill
I love the brass lines in this. It would be SO much fun to play the french horn parts in these!

2) Jefferson Airplane: White Rabbit
"One pill makes you larger, the other makes you small...and the ones that Mother gives you don't do anything at all..."

3) The Mozart Requiem
Good old Mozart. Too bad about that pesky "dying young" thing. He coulda written a lot more really great stuff.

4) An anthology of the greatest hits from the 80's
Favorites include "Obsession", by Animotion, "Rock Me Amadeus" by Falco, "Big Country" by Big Country, "Poison," by Alice Cooper...

5) Loreena McKennitt: The Mummers' Dance
Hey, it's New Age, and it's Celtic/Irish. I HAVE to like it.

6) Def Leppard: Adrenalize
Good stuff. Rock on!

7) John Doan: Eire, Isle of the Saints: A Celtic Odyssey
See previous note about New Age and Celtic/Irish music!

Wow, that's quite a variety, isn't it?

Pleasant surprise: I just put one of the CD's in, totally not expecting it to work, but for some reason the CD-rom IS WORKING TODAY, so I am currently listening to the #7 CD I listed. I'm listening to the fifth track, the one called "Saint Patrick In The Spirit". Good solid Celtic/Irish stuff, with lots of power behind it. I love this kind of music. Then again, I'm part Irish, so I may not have a choice. :)
Ooops, well, crap, the CD-rom just broke down again. Well, so much for that. Crap.
I need a new computer.

Y'know, I'm not going to tag seven people. Let's see, who can I tag that won't kill me...
Shelli said awhile back that she wants more memes, so I'll tag her...
Kyle is a music major at MSU, certainly he could come up with some interesting answers...
Morgian never updates her blog anyway, so I'll tag her and no one will ever know...
and, hey, how about Amisare. I'd tag Travis and Steve, but Morgen already got to them first.
Sound good?
Are the rest of you all wiping your brows in relief?
Glad I could help.

Really, as memes go, this one was pretty easy. Nothing like those 40-question monsters I've seen floating around out there (like a blogger-nightmare Loch Ness Monster, waiting to surface when you least expect it).
Actually, I'd like to think that if I ever got to meet the Loch Ness Monster, he/she would be very nice. The two of us could have tea and talk about blogging or insomnia or rising gas prices or something like that.
.

Let's complain about things! Yes, that'll be fun!

1) It's officially "too warm" now. I was actually sweating earlier today. I wish temperatures were back down in the 40's and 50's again. Anything above 70 is just miserable.

2) I hate tailgaters, especially at night when their headlights are so far up my ass I could open my mouth and illuminate the dashboard.

3) I hate acid reflux. Gack. Blecch. Accggh.

4) I've said it before, I'll say it again: It never fails to amaze me just how much poop can come out of three cats in such a short period of time.

5) When you're single, and live alone, it's amazing how entertaining a series of farts can be.

Ok, I guess that last one wasn't really a complaint.
Still true, though.
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Janna's coming; quick, hide the children and puppies and goldfish...

Ok, ok, you guys win.
I took down the disturbing blood-red banner with the subliminal "serial killer" message that said "Hatchets are your friend". (What, you didn't notice that part?) Hopefully this one will produce fewer nightmares for you than the previous one did. (And if you do get nightmares, this time they're not my fault.) And if you DID like the red banner, hey, just scroll down a little and you can still enjoy the matching red picture I made.
I'm still not in the greatest of moods, but hey. If I had to attach a color to my moods, yesterday would have been red and black. Today is more of a black and grey. So the banner still fits.

I'll go surf around to some of your blogs; maybe that will help cheer me up.
Please don't scream this time when you see me approaching.

Picture I made today while in a really bad mood

Thought for today

If only I didn't have to pee so often, I bet I could get a lot accomplished.

Four subject lines for actual Spam messages I've gotten recently:

1) Suddenly stopping the electrical pulse freezes the atoms into a random amorphous phase
--Wow. This sounds important. I really wish I'd paid better attention in Chemistry and Physics. It seems that the moral of the story is to never suddenly stop your electrical pulses. Ease on the brakes gradually, so you don't send yourself and your loved ones through the windshield. (also known as "amorphous phase"). I guess that's what they call windshields in the strange place where this message came from. This subject line, by the way, which had nothing to do with whatever weird thing they were selling. (Probably some porno tape called "Physicists Gone Wild")

2) Christian Company Seeking Managers.
...(!!!) I can see a couple guys sitting around the office:
Joe: "Y'know, Bob, that Jesus guy just isn't getting the job done these days. I think we need to start looking for a new manager."
Bob: "I was just thinking the same thing. That whole Earth place has just gone to hell lately. Look at the crime rate... and the poor choice of quality television programming... and gas prices are just going through the roof!"
Joe: "Is all that Jesus's fault too?"
Bob: "No, not really-- he's actually a pretty nice guy, but who cares. Let's get someone new for the job. I'll start sending spam ads in people's e-mail. That should bring us someone special."

3) Hurry, Ink and Toner sale ends soon
... yes, and it may be a whole 47 minutes before I get your spam about the NEXT sale... You're right, I'd better stock up!

4) Blast Away Debt in 2007
... This makes it sound like I should take an Uzi into the credit card offices and just start shooting randomly until someone says "Fine, fine, your balance is zero!!"

Berries and Springtime

Today was actually warm enough to wear sandals, so I did. :)
I went to the store and bought some fresh strawberries & fresh raspberries, and ate them while sitting outside enjoying the springlike weather.
It rained a little bit, but nothing too oppressive.
Someone pinch me, I'm... I'm almost in a good mood! :o

Three Random Items For No Reason

1) Can of water chestnuts

2) Charcoal lighter fluid

3) Mustang convertible

More Random Things About Janna

It's been awhile since I posted a new installment of "Random Things About Janna", so I think I'll do that today. (Here's what I've already posted). I see we left off at #57, so we'll start with 58....

58) I hate replacing light bulbs.

59) I love putting a beverage in the freezer JUST long enough for ice crystals to form, so when you take it out it's got slushy ice bits in it. Yum. This works well with bottled iced tea, lemonade, bottled water, punch, juice... refreshing stuff. The trick is to NOT leave it in too long, otherwise it freezes into a rock.

60) I love peace and quiet.

61) There's still a scar on my right thumb knuckle, from where I got stung by a bee over 20 years ago.

62) My back hurts often. I can't remain standing for very long because the pain gets to be unbearable.

63) One of my favorite ways to waste time on the Internet is Neopets. I've had pets there for six years.

64) Every few months I go through a phase where I have at least one nosebleed per day. This phase can last anywhere from a couple days to a couple weeks. No doctor has ever been able to figure out why.

65) Daylight Savings Time annoys me.

Math problem for today

Sandy has a 24 oz. bottle of mango melon shampoo.
She uses an average of one ounce per day, except for weekends when she has a hot date, when she uses two ounces.
At this rate, how many days will it be before severe hair damage occurs because her nasty little brother has been secretly peeing in her shampoo bottle?

It's not my fault there's a window in the kitchen

This evening, for no particular reason, I decided to cook dinner while stark naked.
It was very liberating.
I invite you all to do the same.
Now if you'll excuse me, the neighbors want to talk to me about something.

Thursday Thirteen

When I was a kid, there were often fun surprises to find at the bottom of cereal boxes. Fun, at least, in the eyes of a little kid. From an adult perspective, it was probably all worthless crap. Still, the cheap little toys were good amusement for a couple hours, at least. Sometimes there were "decoder rings", stickers, little plastic cars, figurines, and strange baking-soda-powered submarines that never quite worked the way the box said they would.
So, with that in mind, I bring you this list of
THIRTEEN BAD IDEAS FOR KIDS' CEREAL BOX TOYS:
1) Viagra sample
2) Piece of sharp rusty metal
3) Raw shrimp
4) Plutonium bracelet
5) pocket edition of the Kama Sutra
6) Sample of "new Ex-Lax M&M's"
7) Invitation to Michael Jackson's house
8) Rat poison
9) Live bait
10) Jimmy Hoffa's left ear
11) Crystal Meth
12) "Fun With Salmonella" kit
13) Gunpowder and matches

(P.S. It would be especially bad to combine #1, 5, and 7).
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Learning from the big shots

I never fail to be amazed by the high-traffic blogs out there that get TONS of comments. I've seen blogs that had 200 comments for a single post. Others regularly hit 100 with no problem. This boggles my mind.
I can think of two offhand, (though I know there are more), which fit in this category:
Pointless Drivel (Mr. Fabulous), and
My Brain Hates Me But I Hate It More (Steve Novak).
Humor me for a moment while I analyze what they have in common.
Both bloggers have a bizarre, unique, sometimes-disturbing sense of humor. They're outrageous in a FUN sort of way. Both want you to laugh, even if that means you have to gasp in shock a few times before that happens. Both are definitely for ADULT audiences only. Both don't really care if they "cross the line" once in awhile. I like it that way. Be yourself, not necessarily who "polite society" would like you to be. That's my motto. (Well, that and "Hey, let's get pizza".)
And not only are these two deluged with comments, but both Mr. Fab and Steve Novak take the time to respond to each and every single solitary comment they get.
Every.
Single.
One.
I dunno how they do it; it must be a full time job.
As of right now, Steve's monday post has 212 comments. Although, about half of them are his own, since he chooses to respond to each comment with a separate comment of his own. Still, half of 212 is pretty darn impressive.
This post from Pointless Drivel (the infamous 'asparagus pee' post) got 105 comments. Mr. Fab responds to a few people at a time when he posts replies, instead of one-to-one like Steve Novak. So a greater percentage of that 105 is actually other people's comments.
All this has inspired me to be more diligent about keeping up with responding to comments. I ALWAYS read all my comments, always, every single one of them, but I've decided that I really need to be better about answering them.
So I retroactively went back and responded to every unanswered comment since March 7th. (Feel free to check!)
And I promise that I will now do my very best to respond to each and every comment you guys leave me!!
***Group hug!!!***
Now let's get pizza.

Maybe I should just bury it anyway

Tonight at band, Bob (the director) gave me a CD... it 's the recording of our recent concert, including the debut of the piece I wrote.
I haven't listened to it yet; it doesn't play in my car's CD player, for some reason. And it won't play on my computer, because my CD-rom has been weird lately (it won't play ANY cd's at all, nor will it read software).
So I have yet to discover whether I will be letting any of you listen to it, or whether I will simply bury it in the back yard.

Water!!!!

The well/pump repair guy just left.
I have water again!!!!!!
My water is back!
I can FLUSH!!! I can bathe and make tea and fill the cats' water dish! Heck, if I wanted to I could do all of those things at ONCE!!
I'm so excited.

What have I done?

Things I Still Haven't Done With My Life:
1) Write a book
2) Invent magic ray gun that disintegrates tailgaters
3) Write the soundtrack to a movie
4) Play harp for a wealthy grateful benefactor who loves my music
5) Become radioactively mutated into a really cool-looking supervillain who can blast deadly gas into the face of my enemies

Things I HAVE actually done with my life:
1) Write a 176-page letter to someone, on narrow-ruled 8.5 x 11 paper
2) Invent new vaguely-obscene sounding words to mutter at tailgaters
3) Write small ensemble pieces, solos, and a few pieces for wind symphony
4) Play harp at some weddings, a bed & breakfast, a college recital, a museum, and the grand opening of a store
5) Eat cheap bean burritos for lunch

Manic Monday: Chip

I've always loved having fun looking nail polish. It's a great way to express personality and creativity. Part of my Cosmetology training involved manicuring techniques, of course, and once I get my license (sometime in the next few months, maybe??), I'll be able to unleash this kind of thing on the rest of the world. ("Coming to a hand near you...")
For right now, though, I'm my own guinea pig. I do my nails in a different design every week. The polish would last for maybe TWO weeks if I wanted it to, but then it would start to chip. I hate it when that happens, so I just do my nails fresh each week.
Here are some of the designs I've done during the past few years of my apprenticeship:
(Click for larger version, if you can't see them clearly enough)I love the opportunity to be wild and crazy. Even if the rest of me is feeling withdrawn or depressed, at least my nails can shout "HEY!!!!" to the rest of the world.

Hopefully I won't dream about red trees...

I am SO exhausted.
I've hardly slept at all these past couple nights.
It's about 6:15 in the afternoon/evening and I'm seriously thinking of going to bed early.
With any luck, I'll fall sleep quickly and stay asleep until my body has had enough.
Hopefully I'll get up in time to post something for Manic Monday.

Weird thing:
I've never hallucinated (as far as I can remember, anyway;)... but today I may have come close. I was riding in a car, extremely tired, and I noticed that whenever I looked at vertical structures like telephone poles or trees, there was a bright red misty hazy shadow around them. Sorta like a smoky glow, but bright red.
I've recreated the effect in this picture. Imagine regular wintery dormant trees, the usual black streaks against a gray sky, except there's also all this bright RED stuff surrounding them for no apparent reason. Oooh, and when I shifted my eyes or turned my head, the reddish pinkish colors would kind of dance. (Someone cue Jefferson Airplane to start playing White Rabbit)
Freaky. Cool. Bizarre.
Not sure what it was all about, though.
At least I was just a passenger, not driving. With my vision that screwed up, who KNOWS what other weird things I could have (literally) run into!
And hopefully dear sweet blissful sleep will make it all go awaaaaayyyy.

Templates & Backgrounds & Banners, oh my

As you can see, I've changed the banner and background again.
This afternoon Morgen and I worked at changing the HTML of my template, to make it easier for me to switch banners. It was awfully frustrating, but eventually things somehow worked out. (Thank you, Morgen). As soon as I got home, I started working on creating this new look. I was in one of those moods where I just HAVE to make something.
This is almost too cheery and bright and sunshiney for me; I like the green-blue-violet end of the spectrum better. Yet I felt the urge to make a banner/background that featured french horns, so voila.
Now that it's easier (hopefully) to change my banner, I may be doing it more often. We'll see how long it takes me to get sick of this one. (Apparently it took me only two weeks to get sick of the previous one. :)

Posting from Dowagiac

Here I am, visiting Morgen in Dowagiac today, typing on his wonderful laptop which makes my nasty old desktop computer look like something from the Flintstones.
Proof that I am not a morning person: On my way over here, I stopped to get gas. The lady at the convenience store took a look at me and asked "Wow, have you been driving all night??"
Gee, thanks! I wonder how awful I must have looked? Does my "Morning Janna" look like a deranged crack whore on wheels or something?
Also on my way over here, I saw that a cop had pulled someone over. When I glanced over as I was passing, I saw that the guy was being put in handcuffs!! Wow-- wonder what happened there?
Additional weirdness seen on the road: Can you believe there are STILL people who have their Christmas lights up?? Not only do one or two houses still have lights strung up, but there's also still a Christmas tree, fully lit, along M-99 between Litchfield and Jonesville. What are these people thinking?
Today is St. Patrick's day and I totally forgot to wear green. It didn't even occur to me, which is weird because I DID remember that it was St. Patrick's day; i just forgot about the tradition of wearing green. I did remember to bring some cute shamrock-shaped straws with me so Morgen and I could celebrate by drinking various carbonated caffeine-laden beverages through seasonally-appropriate plastic shapes.
Last time I posted from Morgen's computer (was it back in December?), I included a totally unrelated picture I found while rooting around his graphics files. It's weird to hit the "browse" button and see pictures that aren't yours, y'know? So, in keeping with tradition, lemme hunt through his pictures and find one to include...
There... how about a frog?
Or is it a toad?
Is it one of those that you can lick, and get high? (Note to self: No "high" is ever worth licking a toad)
I have not been sleeping well lately. I hear that prolonged sleep deprivation will eventually lead to insanity, so at least I have that to look forward to.
Or... maybe I'm already there.

Yikes!!!

The handyman just came out to look at the well & the water pump, to see if he could figure out why I have no water coming out of the faucets.
Next to my water pump is a little heater, which automatically shuts on/off to keep the enclosed pump/pipes area at a certain temperature. This is so the pipes don't freeze in the dead of winter. (This is common in states with really cold winters). What's SUPPOSED to happen is that the pipes are kept at an above-freezing temperature, then the heater shuts off until the temperature drops again. This whole pump/pipes thing is kept in a corner of my garage.
What happened is that MY heater's temperature activation switch broke, and it was stuck in the ON position-- which meant the enclosed area kept getting hotter, and hotter, and HOTTER... The handyman said that when he went out to look at it, the surrounding metal was so hot he couldn't even touch it, and it was a wonder the wood enclosure & insulation hadn't caught fire yet. (!!!!!!)
Since spring is almost here, and the freezing nights are pretty much over for now, he completely removed the heater so the well-pit could cool down. On the back of the heater, I could see the metal was all discolored from the extreme heat.
This is scary; I could have had a fire! And since my home is right next to my garage, surely everything would have caught fire.
So... I still don't have water. I need to call the well pump specialists and have them come out and replace all the parts that got fried by the broken heater.
That probably won't get done til next week, then! Accghhh!
I'm on my way to my parents' house right now, to shower and do a load of laundry, and explain this whole mess to them.
Right now I'm just grateful that my home is not smouldering.
Really, then, it was almost a blessing that the water pump broke, because otherwise I would never have known there was a problem. The heater would have just kept heating everything up until eventually the wood & insulation WOULD have caught fire.
Scary stuff.

No water

I just discovered that when I turn on the water faucets, nothing comes out. Something is wrong. Dammit. Dammitdammitdammit. I will have to call the handyman first thing tomorrow morning.
Crap.
Wonder how much this is going to cost.

Supervillain plot narrowly averted... details at eleven

Last night around 10 or 11, I found myself no longer able to connect to the Internet. There must have been some server problems, some ISP issues, or something. I could have screamed (in fact, I might have... it's all one big horrifying blur.)
I stared at the screen in dumbfounded shock, muttering "Well, NOW what am I going to do?"

What exactly DO people do when they can't get online? What else IS there to do?
Read? Bathe? Sleep? Carve turnips into exact replicas of the Eiffel Tower? Paint self-portraits onto suspicious looking bones found in the back yard? Swallow ten stones and count how many actually come out later on? Plot the destruction of superheroes everywhere and achieve world domination? What?

I read for awhile, but it was hard to concentrate because I was so annoyed).
Tried to sleep (actually went to bed at a decent hour), but couldn't sleep.
Got back up, lit a scented candle, played some solitaire.... made a snack, did some photoshopping, tried writing some music....
Discovered I can NOT write music when I am annoyed.
Wanted to practice my french horn, but suspected the neighbors would not appreciate this at one in the morning.
Went back to bed.
At 7:00 this morning, I still could not connect to the Internet.
Yet when I tried again at 2:00 in the afternoon, it worked fine.
Whew.
What a relief.
Now I can breathe again.
The superheroes are safe for one more day, at least.

I bet paper spools taste terrible...

While listening to NPR this afternoon, one of the talk show guests said lots of people are in the military because they eat a paper spool.
My brow furrowed in confusion for a moment as I wondered what the hell that meant.
Then, as the conversation continued, I realized that he'd actually said lots of people are in the military because they need to pay for school.
Ok, so I'm going deaf in my old age.

Weird I am, young Jedi

What Fantasy Archetype Are you?
The Weird Guy In The Hut In The Swamp You are The Weird guy In the Hut In the Swamp. In addition to talking funny, you're like Tom Bombadil (LoTR), The Lady of the Lake (Arthurian Legend), Yoda (Star Wars), The Beavers (Narnia), Old Bailey (Neverwhere), Hagrid (Harry Potter) and Adie (Wizard's First Rule). you are weird and strange. You isolated yourself from the world among your own private powers/library/artifacts. You usually have something important to teach or give the Unlikely Hero that will enable him to defeat the Totally Wicked Villain. When he comes, remember that young people are impatient and will never see the connection between their goals and crotchety old people.
Take The Quiz Now!	Quizzes by myYearbook.com

Wordless Wednesday

Asparagus results

Results of yesterday's asparagus experiment:

(Drum roll, please....)

No stinkage.
None. Zero! Nothing.

Thank you for your time and attention.
We now return you to your regularly-scheduled blogging experience.

The asparagus experiment continues

Note: Read yesterday's post, if you haven't already, otherwise this will make no sense whatsoever.

I've been informed that the amount of asparagus in a Lean Cuisine is not enough to produce significant pee stinkage. Sooo, I guess I STILL don't know if I'm one of those people or not.
Mr. Fabulous (who might just be trying to torture me) suggested I needed to eat an entire can of asparagus, to make sure I'd consumed enough for the chemical weirdness to take place.
At first I didn't think I HAD a can of asparagus anywhere in the house, but then I vaguely remembered buying one a looooonng time ago. So I searched through the canned goods, back in the culinary boondocks we all have, where we keep the stuff we'll probably never eat... and there it was. One can of asparagus. So I figured what the hell, let's eat it right now.
And I did.
Bleechhh. I realize now why I don't buy asparagus very often.
I think FRESH steamed asparagus would have been much better, topped with just a bit of lemon butter. This canned stuff was horrible. It was mushy and stringy and just downright gross. Gack.
But, in the interests of science and personal urinary discovery, I ate it anyway. I finished it about five minutes ago. So I guess by tomorrow morning, I'll have some sort of verdict one way or the other.

As an added side note, I visited my Mom today. During a lull in the conversation, I got ready to ask "the" question. Imagine the scene in one of those old commercials where the daughter asks "Mom, do you sometimes feel.... not so fresh??"

Except today it was "Um... does asparagus make your pee smell weird?"

Mom said YES, it does make her pee smell funny. She'd presumed it did that to everyone, and was genuinely surprised when I told her it only happens to about 40% of the population.

(Yes, it was a special bonding moment.)

Stay tuned for the exciting urinary/olfactory verdict tomorrow.
(I know you're all just on the edge of your seats, genuinely interested in this whole fascinating topic....)

Potpourri of various food-related things

1. I found a neat recipe for BBQ ribs... and instead of sugar or honey, they sweeten it with Coca-Cola!! At first I thought "Ew", but then I decided it might actually be kind of good.
HERE's the recipe.

2. Lately I have had a thing for Faygo Redpop. I love Faygo Redpop. Someone help me, I can't put it down! I've got a bottle right here next to me! It turns my tongue red every time, but I love it soooo much! It's all sweet and strawberry-like, with that bright toxic neon radioactive red color... Mmmmm.
(Although I guess radioactive things are blue or green, aren't they? On The Simpsons the nuclear stuff is bright glowing green... Ok, I'll go with that... after all, how could The Simpsons possibly be wrong about anything?)

3. On a recent post over at Pointless Drivel, Mr. Fab says that asparagus makes his pee smell weird. (Yes, he really said that.) Apparently this is a chemical reaction that happens to SOME people, but not ALL people. I have become insanely curious now, wondering if I'm one of those people. I don't mind asparagus; I just don't eat it very often. (And I never paid attention to any resulting odors before). Yet now I find myself wanting to go out and buy some asparagus, just so I can know for sure if I'm one of the people whose pee smells weird afterward. I realize this makes me a sick disgusting person. And yet....

4. I have found a delicious Oriental hot sauce which I highly recommend. It's "Sriracha Hot Chili Sauce," by Huy Fong. I found it at Meijer, in the Ethnic foods section. It's got a bunch of Chinese words on the front, and a rooster. They have a website: www.huyfong.com. HERE'S the page that talks about the Sriracha sauce. The sauce is bright red, (all natural color!) and deliciously hot. I love it. Love it!! I put just a tiny drop on my tongue, to taste it, and my tongue came alive. Whoo, boy. And it's not JUST heat, it has a great flavor, too. Right now I have a pan of mini egg-rolls in the oven, and I'm going to eat them with the hot sauce as my evening snack.

UPDATE: I'm done with my plate of mini egg rolls. They were amazing. My tongue is burning, my nose is running, and my eyes are full of tears.
I LOVE THIS STUFF!!!

UPDATE #2: I found a Lean Cuisine in the freezer that had asparagus, so I ate that. You will all surely be delighted to hear that my pee doesn't smell any different from usual (not that I go around sniffing it on a regular basis).

Twisted

I can think of a few bloggers that fit this description...
...and I love you all.

Just curious...

A few years ago I saw previews for a story that would be on the evening news. It was something about how it's dangerous to refill plastic water bottles. They seemed to imply that if you re-used the bottles by re-filling them with your own water from home, then something would happen, like toxic chemicals leaching out of the plastic or something.
For some reason, I didn't end up seeing the actual news broadcast. Yet now and then I wish I had, because I wonder what they'd said. IS it a bad idea to refill water bottles? If I take my 24-ounce bottle of Dasani and re-fill it with tap water, will I be dead within the week? Will I grow an extra appendage in an especially inconvenient spot?
(Well, actually I probably would, but that's just because my tap water is hideous. That's why I drink bottled water instead).
Anybody out there have opinions, one way or the other?
Do you refill your water bottles?
If so, are you still alive and well, with the correct number of appendages and a reasonable grip on reality and sanity?
(Hint: if you laughed out loud when you read that, that's probably a bad sign).

Manic Monday: Click

I hereby admit that I am an NPR junkie.
I used to think talk radio was the most boring, annoying thing on the planet, but these days I love it. I love being bombarded with news about the world around me.
But NPR isn't just about news; there are also some fun programs too.
Like, for example, CAR TALK.
This is a show hosted by two brothers, Tom and Ray Magliozzi. They call themselves "Click and Clack." Each week they have a call-in show where people ask various questions about what's wrong with their cars. Tom and Ray (Click and Clack) are hilarious. They laugh about almost everything, but really in the end they DO know what they're talking about and do give good advice. They're both experienced mechanics, as well as MIT graduates. They're very bright guys, they just love to laugh at themselves and the world around them.
Here's the official "Car Talk" website: http://www.cartalk.com/

A Taste For Blood

I have decided to become a vampire. Over the course of the next month or so, I will be visiting you all while you sleep, and gradually converting you over to the dark side.
("Come to the dark side; we have cookies!")
No, actually, what I meant to say is that I decided to try Blood Oranges for the first time.
I was at the store and I saw them in the produce section. I've seen them before and never really felt compelled to try them, until now.
So I got three.
And I just tried my very first one.
The coloring is a nice dark claret. I can definitely see where the name comes from.
I'd been hoping that the taste would be some exquisitely sweet syrupy delicious eruption of flavor.
Alas.
It's not that different from a regular orange.
But at least now I can say I've tried it.
So, hey, maybe the vampire thing can work out after all.
Please leave your doors and windows unlocked for the next few weeks.

Ow

Uggghhh.
Migraine.
Migraine.
World, stop spinning.
Sun, stop shining.
Air molecules, stop making so much %$#@ noise.
I think I need to go lay down for awhile.

I do like cucumbers, though... surely that should count for something

Wow. Here's the thing, though: I'm not really fond of pretzels at ALL. At least not the plain crunchy kind... no seasoning at all except for a few lonely hunks of salt. Bah. I generally do like the seasoned varieties of pretzel 'nuggets' that Snyders makes. And I LOVE the fresh warm soft pretzels that are filled with cheese.
I'm almost afraid to analyze that....

Things that made me laugh

I needed some cheering up today, so I went blog-surfing. Here are some things that made me laugh.

1. The ongoing list of "Cafe Conversations" at Bitter Cup Of Joe. Every week Vinnie posts a new "customer-from-hell" story, fresh from his experience as a barista at Starbucks. Some of these customers are just unbelievable. They should be shot. Really. And yet, it makes me laugh... Here's a list of the "Cafe Conversations" he's done so far.

2. This video of a clip from Ellen Degeneres' show, posted over at Get Your Blog On. Ohmygoodness, this is hilarious. There's an 88-year-old lady named Gladys who called into the show, and... well, hilarity ensues.

3. This post from Meloncutter still makes me laugh, a week after he wrote it. Who else can be so utterly frank about the gastrointestinal effects of cheap burritos?? And I still get a kick out of Meloncutter's profile description: "The simple pleasures of life. Farting, Drinking, Farting some more and bitching about work."
Can't argue with that. :)

New Blogs

My wacky friend Steve has started a blog.
I would love it if you could stop by and visit him, and wish him well.
I've known Steve ever since high school. He's a fun-loving guy who is good at making me laugh.
HERE's his new blog.

Also, my friend Kyle has started a blog.
Kyle is a flautist in our band... one of the best flute players I know.
He's one of the people who makes ABC group fun every week. :)
HERE's his new blog.

Stop by and tell them Janna sent you!
Say something like "Janna is holding our pets hostage and she won't let us have Fluffy back until we leave a comment on your blog...."

Four Groups Of Four

I forgot to do a Thursday Thirteen yesterday, so please accept this belated version I made up. I call it "Four Groups of Four on Friday, For No Reason Except That I Was An Idiot And Forgot To Do Thursday Thirteen."
I know, it's a long title. Work with me here.
(Yes, I know four times four does not equal thirteen, it's sixteen... I know. Think of it as getting three extra, because I was a day late. Like some screwed-up bloggy version of an exorbitant interest rate. )
So, here we go:

Category I
Four Recipes That Sound Good To Me Right Now
A. Crab Cakes
B. Szechuan orange chicken with red chile peppers
C. BBQ Ribs
D. Chicken Enchiladas

Category II
Four Things One Should NOT Do With A Bottle Of Mountain Dew:
A. Shake it really hard and point the cap at your eardrum.
B. Pee in it, just to see if it changes the color any.
C. Bludgeon people who mispronounce the word "Nuclear."
D. Pour it on cornflakes.

Category III
Four Random Items For No Reason:
A. Traffic ticket for driving the wrong way on the Interstate, naked, with a rabid elk in the back seat.
B. Post-it note with a grape jelly stain, stuck to middle of driveway
C Postcard from Mount Rushmore, saying "Actually, I'm kind of GLAD you're not here..."
D. Blueberry scented candle in a corner of the Emergency Room, recently removed from an unmentionable orifice on some unfortunate person named Phil. (Hint: The candle is no longer quite as blueberry-scented as it used to be.)
(....Could have been worse; he could have used a Mountain Dew bottle. Those 2-liters are really... oops, I've said too much. Moving right along....)

Category IV
Four Blogs I Visited Today: (among many others)
A. Bagwine Ruminations
B. It's A Blog Eat Blog World
C. Pointless Drivel
D. Rock, Paper, Scissors, Gun

Now I need a shower

I just got back from grocery shopping.
The store was busy, and there were a lot of people waiting for the checkout. So one of the employees gets on the intercom thingy and announces that they need so-and-so to come open up a new checkout lane so things can start moving along faster.
So-and-so comes up to the front, opens her lane, sees me waiting, and tells me "I can get you over here, no waiting!"
Great! So I start wheeling my cart over there, when ZOOOM, like a swiftly-thrown dart, this other lady dives in ahead of me. She looks up and notices me, realizes I was headed for the same destination, and there's a brief moment of uncertainty as she wonders what I might say.
Am I going to tell her off? Kick her ass? Paralyze her by whamming her in the spine with the front of my cart?
No... *sigh*. I choose to be nice. I smile and tell her she can go on ahead. We both have the same number of items, which isn't a lot, and I figure I'm not in a huge hurry; if it means that much to her to go first, go ahead and have a lovely day.
Instead of a cart, she has one of those handheld basket things. Once the cashier has rung up all her stuff, the basket is still sitting there, empty, keeping the conveyor-belt from moving forward. So my stuff is stuck back near the end. Not a real problem for me, except there's another lady behind me who has an armload of stuff and is aching to set it down.
So I manually shove my stuff up a few feet to give her some room. The lady thanks me, telling me she didn't know how much longer she would've been able to hold onto all the heavy stuff she was carrying. (I momentarily wonder why she didn't just use a cart.)
Finally the basket-lady is done, and it's my turn, then cart-less lady's turn. The circle is complete.
On my way out of the store, I see a table with high-school students selling candy bars for a fundraiser. I realize that there's no way to exit the store without passing this table. One of the perky little dears asks me if I'd like to buy a candy bar.
The answer I'd LIKE to say is "No. No thanks. They all have enough calories to make my butt the size of tractor tires."
But today, for some mysterious reason, I am feeling benevolent and "nice", and against my better judgment I plunk down a buck for a candy bar. I really can't afford it, but I do anyway.
Then, after loading my bags of groceries into my car, I even return the empty cart to one of those cart-stall things.
I'm positively dripping with niceness and sweetness and goodness today... I'm covered in it, smeared all over and saturated like a freshly-fertilized field.

(Flashback to old Palmolive commercial: "Madge, I'm soaking in it!!")

And now I think I need a shower.

.

Math problem for today

Ok... if a train leaves Seattle at 5:15, going 45 mph....
And another train leaves New York, going 70 mph....
And a tree falls in the forest....
How many minutes til the New York train plunges into the ocean because the engineer was too drunk to realize he was headed in the wrong direction?

Wordless Wednesday

Rattling on about ABC group

I'm back from band and ABC.
We had a good time at ABC group, even though I think the new waitress is annoyed with our large group.
For years we had a very nice waitress named "Ashley." She was the BEST waitress in the whole world. She knew our names and knew what our "usuals" were, knew how we liked things, knew what time we usually arrived and when we usually departed, etc. She knew us, we knew her, and the love flowed freely.
Then she left her job at Cavoni's, for some reason. We didn't get to find out why.
The new waitress is named "Carrie". (Carrie, Kerry, Keri, whatever). We've had her for about two months now. She used to work for Cavoni's a couple years ago, then came back after Ashley left. So she's not new to the job, really; she's just new to US.
I have tried really hard to give her the benefit of the doubt. I've tried really hard to be nice and pleasant and friendly. She sometimes seems ok, but most of the time she acts like it's a bother to wait on us. She doesn't like the fact that we have enough people in our group to fill three tables, she doesn't like moving the tables around, she complains that we get there at 9:20 when the place closes at 10:00. (Well, rehearsal ends at 9:00, and we leave immediately afterwards; we get there as soon as we can, dammit). She forgets to bring us things we've asked for, and she's not the most attentive person in the world.
The "nice" person in me keeps saying "Awww, give her time. She'll get better."
But it's difficult. Every week I get more of a negative impression from her. It's a shame, because it makes us a lot less generous with tips. She's only shooting herself in the foot, y'know?
If we lived in a bigger city with more places that were open that time of night, we could just take our business elsewhere. But alas, this is Hillsdale, and the only other place open at that time of night is WAY too expensive for a weekly visit (and sometimes the service there is even worse).
Besides, the food at Cavoni's is GREAT. It really hits the spot, after a long rehearsal.
Even if the service has significantly diminished lately.
And I guess what's most important to us is each other's company, anyway... (now pass me a tissue while I cry sensitive girly tears.)